Newman’s Blogosphere

My Blog Has Moved!

2011-12-02T11:33:00.003-05:00

My blog has moved! Don't worry, you can still find my posts and awesome pieces of clip-art here: http://www.wpst.com/NEWMAN/11168824

Love,
Newman

Was This a Mistake?

2011-11-29T12:25:00.003-05:00

I decided to join the World's Largest Secret Santa yesterday (it's run through www.redditgifts.com) and needless to say, I am very excited. How it works is you get sent the name, address and profile of another Reddit user and you have to send that person a gift. It can be anything, no price limit, but you try to tailor it to their interests. Of course in return another user gets your info and sends you a gift.

Now, I love gifts. They are like in my Top 3 Things of All-Time (the other two being the love of another human being and Pop Rocks). I love surprises so much that I didn't even fill out a profile, I simple wrote, "Surprise me!"

Like an anxious little boy I ran home to tell my wife . . . wait, that would be weird if a little boy had a wife unless it was ancient times when kids were married off super young (*not sure that's factual). Get this - My wife was upset that I did this! She thought was stupid for sending a random person on the internet our address and allowing them to send us something. I assured her that this only sounded dangerous now that she was saying it. But seriously, how is it any different than buying something off ebay or using Craigslist? People can get our address if they wanted.

Was doing this online secret Santa a mistake?

Newman Endorses 11/17/11

2011-11-17T12:13:00.003-05:00

Newman Endorses : Pink Starbursts

When I opened a 2-pack of Starburts the other day I was shocked and appalled by what I found. Namely, this:

Seriously, Starburst? Is this some sort of practical joke? Two yellows? Needless to say this was the worst moment of my life. Nobody wants the yellow ones. I feel I am owed some sort of retribution from the Starburst company. To be more exact, I feel I am owed an entire box of the pink ones.

That's why I would like to take this moment to endorse pink Starbursts. They are so far superior to all the other flavors it's laughable. Seriously, I just laughed thinking about it. Sometimes I'll offer a friend a Starburst and they'll take a pink one; that person will no longer be my friend (because they'll be dead). The red ones come in second place but I can easily part with one for my compadres. Pink, no way.

So, the ball is in your court Starburst to right this atrocity. You can contact me to discuss details (my address, estimated time of arrival, your decision to produce "Tropical") through email: Newman@wpst.com.

Newman Endorses 11/7/11

2011-11-07T12:25:00.004-05:00

Newman Endorses: Green Tea with Lemon, Honey, Ginger and a Cinnamon Stick

I want to thank everyone for the well wishes I received over the last week or so. I literally got millions. I was out with some sort of viral infection that would have killed a lesser man. The worst was the sore throat I had as a result of the infection. I downed about 3 bags of Halls cough drops over the course of the week. Is this safe? I have no idea. While they worked, when given the chance I turned to this little recipe.

To ease the pain of a sore throat, I make some green tea and add a buttload of honey, a cinnamon stick, a little piece of ginger and a touch of lemon. It works wonderfully. Just try it. Seriously! Go and contract an illness and give it a whirl!

Newman Endorses 10/31/11

2011-10-31T11:36:00.009-04:00

This is my new blog feature. Each week I will be endorsing something. These will be things I like and they can be literally anything. I would love your thoughts. Are the things I'm endorsing overrated? Is there something similar that is better? I'd like to know.

Newman Endorses: Charleston Chews

It came to my attention on the show this morning that Charleston Chews are not universally loved. This was - to put it lightly - horrifically shocking!

Who doesn't like Charleston Chews? (Besides dentists.) I grew up on them at the Holmdel Swim Club snack bar during adult swim. I'd cash 2 or 3 of them in a day. Let me put it this way, if they were vegetables, I would've been the healthiest kid ever. When I was in the mood for something more "desserty" I'd pull one from my freezer. Yeah, they are great frozen too! Take that Milky Way! (To be honest, I've never had a frozen Milky Way bar and now that I'm mentioning it, it sounds fairly incredible.)

When I found out Chris and Company (new name I'm pitching for the show) were not fans of Charleston Chews I felt it would be the perfect choice for the first installment of Newman Endorses.

What do you think? Do Charleston Chews get your endorsement too?

Oh, and if it wasn't obvious, we're basing this off the vanilla ones. Maybe the rest of Chris and Company were thinking of the strawberry ones.

LeSean McCoy's Autograph Up For Grabs! (Rules Apply)

2011-10-25T12:18:00.003-04:00

As you may be aware, Dave and I host The PST Bud Light Players' Suite Monday nights at Chickie's and Pete's in Bordentown. We have a player from the Eagles join us each week as we chat about the last Eagles game, pop culture and the pro's and con's of crab fries (Pro - Deliciousness, Con - Availability at other establishments).

Yesterday we were joined by LeSean "Shady" McCoy - Eagles star running back and leader of my fantasy football team (we're 4-3 right now but those losses are squarely on the shoulders of one Felix Jones). Last night Shady's agent asked him to sign a picture for Dave and me to have in the office here. When he said to make one out to Dave and Newman apparently Shady heard, "Sign one for Dave Newton."

So guess what Dave Newton's of the world, today's your lucky day. I have one autographed LeSean McCoy glossy signed specifically for you (well, not "specifically"). You need to prove to me two things - 1) That your name is "Dave Newton" and 2) That your an Eagles fan. If you're wondering if can score the autograph because you're an Eagles fan but not named "Dave Newton" the answer is "No" (sorry). If you're wondering if you can score the autograph because your name is Dave Newton but you're a Giants fan the answer is once again "No."

If you meet these criteria and would like the signed pic, email me newman@wpst.com (I will also give you a shout-out on air though this hasn't been discussed with management yet and could very well be shot down).

I Need Apps

2011-10-19T12:14:00.003-04:00

Since dropping a decent amount of cash on the iPhone 4s I have spent my days annoying Siri, taking hipster-esque photos and disregarding the world outside of the 4" screen. Don't tell my wife, but if I could get married again, I'd marry the iPhone 4s. Seriously! I know most states are still debating gay marriage, but can a man marry an electronic device? If so, how am I going to break the news to my PS3 that I've found someone else? Check out this hipster picture I took with the app "Camera+"

I mean, I have zero photo skills and this thing looks like it was taken by (insert famous photographer cause I can't think of one)!

So, I'm now on a quest to find fun new apps. What should I get?

Newman's Geek Poll

2011-10-13T11:54:00.002-04:00

Set your phasers for "Awesome!" The Walking Dead is back on Sunday and I am friggin' pumped. Anybody else excited or am I the only geek here?

What Facial Hair is the Hottest?

2011-10-11T12:40:00.004-04:00

Dave and I have ended our facial hair challenge. We set out over a week ago to see who could grow a bear fastest and based on this picture of my INSANE growth, I am sure you can guess I lost.

I pretty much accomplished growing a really, really creepy mustache.

What facial hair is hottest on a guy? A goatee, a soul patch, sideburns that connect to a mustache? (The last one isn't seen a lot.)

How To Save Saturday Night Live

2011-10-03T11:31:00.002-04:00

Dave posted a video on his Facebook page this morning of Melissa McCarthy hosting SNL this past weekend. It's phenomenal. (You can see it here.)

I have been a huge Saturday Night Live fan since I was a little tyke. It was the first comedy thing I ever loved. I've stuck with the show recently even though, as you might know, it's kinda fallen off. But now I think I've got a solution.

SNL needs to hire Melissa McCarthy.

Will she have to take a pay cut? Yes. Will she most likely have to make a terrible movie based on one of her characters? Yes. Would she be the SNL savior and be given a crown and red velvet cape? I think so!

She's got that Will Ferrell quality where no matter what she says, it's funny. Plus she's hot!! (Dave said that.)

What Random Skill Do You Brag About?

2011-09-27T12:04:00.002-04:00

It's kinda strange that the biggest accomplishments in your life are the ones you brag about the least. If I said I won the noble prize at the start of every conversation, it would come off like I was super stuck-up (and a liar). However, when you find a random skill set you possess, it is quite acceptable to share it with whomever you're speaking to.

Here's my example: I'm really good at Connect Four. I can't explain it, I just was born with the ability to play at an extremely high Connect Four level. Now, I won't go so far as to say I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four but I am at least the Emanuel Lasker.

(Another skill set: I happen to know a lot of chess players . . . actually, that's not really a skill set, nor something worth bragging about. In fact, let's just pretend I didn't bring up the whole "chess player" thing, LOOK there's a cute kid in the post! . . . smooth distraction.)

So, what's your random skill you love to brag about?

A Letter To Facebook

2011-09-23T05:30:00.003-04:00

Dear Facebook,

First off let me just say - I'm a big fan. You are a wonderful place for me to waste a significant portion of my time on Earth. You might say I "Like" you (Am I right?! I'll be here all week; try the veal). At no point in human history has it been so easy to see who from your High School got fat. Thanks! Now recently you've made a couple of changes - Did you hear about these? I think I saw a couple status updates mentioning people weren't all too pleased - and I wanted to throw in my two cents on them.

Burn in Hell you demonic digital playground!!! *&(#^@*&!!! (That second part isn't profanity, I sometimes yell the names of symbols when I am mad.)

Here's a little secret - People HATE change. Do we get used to things? Yes. Does that fact make it any easier to accept the changes when they happen? Not at all. I hate the new News Feed. Now, before you go off and say, "You know there are real problems in the world," I get that, all I'm saying is, this is more important.

Am I looking forward to sharing music? Yes, but I'm not looking forward to people knowing when I'm listening to Mariah Carey's "Hero" on repeat. Timeline sounds like it is going to cause me an afternoon of cleaning up all the dumb stuff I did back in the day. I would rather not have to do that. In fact I have spent a solid portion of my adult life making up for it.

You might respond to this by telling me that it's a free service and I can leave whenever I wish (you might also not respond at all, which is far more likely). To that I respond simply - I don't care. Does this sound like a pouting kid with his arms crossed? Yes. Is that immature? Maybe, but I don't care cause you're a poopy head.

Hugs and kisses,

Newman

PS - Mark, your dog is really cute.

My Colorful Underwear

2011-09-19T11:58:00.003-04:00

First of all, the title of this post would make an outstanding name for an Album.

Okay, no on to the real issue. I got some flack (flack - underused word) for having some boxer-briefs that are colorful. Chris and Wendy seemed to think guys should wear black, grey or white undies (undies - way underused word). I happen to be wearing by neon blue pair today. What do you think?

WARNING: NSFW!!!! (But really, very safe for work)

Don't Knock It Till You See It

2011-09-13T11:31:00.002-04:00

Just saw the new video from Joe Jonas and I'm gonna be completely honest here - It's incredible! I know what you're thinking, "Newman, you're such and ultra-tough guy who plays football, drinks beers and has women swooning all over you . . . You like a Joe Jonas video?!" First off all, correct on one of three accounts (I do enjoy beer) and second, the video reminds me of Paris. Like old school Paris. Well just watch and hold back your laughter at me please.

It's Time To Write a TV Show

2011-09-08T12:12:00.003-04:00

Well we made it - we are officially out of ideas for television shows. Need proof? Checkout this new show TNT just green-lighted (industry term . . . actually I'm not sure if it is or if I used it correctly):

Scent of the Missing

Okay, if that hasn't fully sunk in yet, it is a serious show about a crime fighting dog. Now listen, I'm a dog lover, but really?! We're not talking Air Bud here where they are playing towards children (PS: Air Bud - Great movie!) no, this is a TNT show where, correct me if I'm wrong, they love drama.

There is only one way I'm watching this show and that is if it features the worst tag-lines ever. I want each episode to end with the woman and her dog standing over their criminal in cuffs and then she says something like, "Guess his bark was worse than his bite." If this is how they actually plan on ending the episodes then I sincerely apologize for any bad words said about the premise of this show.

Couple of Pics from New Orleans

2011-08-31T11:38:00.005-04:00

If you missed me talking about it recently, I happened to be down in New Orleans during Hurricane Irene for a bachelor party. Now, there is an unspoken rule that you don't bring a camera to a bachelor party (not that anything bad went down) but I did snap a few pictures from my cell. Here you go . . .

- New Orleans Style Coffee (drank about 20 of these in 3 days . . . amazing)

- Bourbon Street (dead sober)

- Southern food . . . sold

- Mother's (Had their famous "Ferdi" sandwich . . .insane! And the woman at the register gave me a free shirt for being so "sweet")

- Shrimp & Grits at Emeril's place (Out of control delicious)

- My friend Justin (Weather was pretty nice)

Million Dollar Idea

2011-08-25T11:12:00.003-04:00

I either dreamed this up or actually saw it once, but I'm pretty sure it is the greatest idea ever (sans the television): Chinese food containers with non-metal handles.

I just want to pop it in the microwave the next day but have to go through the inconvenience of putting my rice on a plate! Come on 2011 we can do better! (Solid campaign slogan.) All I want is freakin' Chinese food cartons with freakin' non-metal handles on their tops, is that too much to ask?!

Movies You Wish You Could Un-See

2011-08-22T12:15:00.003-04:00

Have you ever seen a movie you liked but in a weird way you wish you could un-see it?

Amazon has been recommending the movie Blue Valentine for me for the past year. Every purchase I make it says, "People who bought this also bought Blue Valentine." So, I figured either this movie is really perfect for me or Amazon has a crap-ton of copies of Blue Valentine they are trying to get rid of. Like if I bought a baby bib and they recommended it I would be suspicious, but every DVD I bought they told me to check it out.

I finally caved and bought the sucker and popped it in this weekend . . . apparently Amazon thinks I like to be super depressed and borderline mentally unstable. That said, the movie was awesome. However, even though it was awesome it is totally going to stick with me way longer than I want it to (ideally 5 seconds and we're going on three days). If you've seen it, I think you know what I mean. It's ultra-dark.

Is there a movie you liked but wish you could un-see?

Newman's Nerdy Book Club Update!!!

2011-08-15T11:23:00.003-04:00

I was flipping through the new issue of Entertainment Weekly this weekend, the Fall movie preview issue, when I was struck by something I have zero idea how I didn't already know. They are making a movie of the book "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. This happens to be my favorite book of all-time. Seriously, life-changing.

Not only are they making a movie about it but they got some big names - Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock - how did I miss this?! It doesn't come out until December (which, if we're being honest, is a bit of a stretch for the Fall Movie Guide EW) but I can't wait.

If you've read this book, let me know what your thought. If you haven't, in my opinion, go buy it now and pick up a copy of his first book as well, "Everything is Illuminated."

Do You "Bagtext?"

2011-08-09T06:42:00.002-04:00

Just learned this term and I'm completely guilty. Apparently, "Bagtexting" is when you send a text while kind of hiding your phone in your bag or underneath the table. Obviously, the idea is so you don't seem rude when you're out.

First off I should say I do the under the table thing, I don't carry a purse (it's a European Man Bag). Second, I probably do this every single time I am out with friends or family. It's bad. I am never listening to the conversation happening, I am pretending to look up while quickly glancing down and typing and then just responding to whoever is talking with, "Haha, yup," or "Totally." (I say "totally" because I'm fairly radical.)

I'm disappointed in myself for doing this but I can't stop!

Do you "bagtext?"

What's the Best Thing You Ever Saw on Broadway?

2011-08-02T12:30:00.003-04:00

Most people say "Wicked" is the greatest thing they ever saw on Broadway. Now, I am no theater ("theatre" if you're cool) and I've never seen "Wicked," but I can't imagine it is better than "The Book of Mormon."

I saw it on Saturday after booking tickets three months in advance (crazy wait now especially because of the Tony Awards it's nominated for . . . Side-note the Tony Awards would be so much better if the statues were little golden Tony Danza's - Just an idea Broadway). I was crying from laughing so hard at times. The thing is, it wasn't just laughs it was really, really well done. It's easily my favorite musical I have seen (I've seen two).

Does Anybody Else Find This To Be a Turn On?

2011-07-26T11:29:00.002-04:00

I have been ripped on multiple times on air about this but I find a woman riding an old-school cruiser bike extremely hot. Can I explain this attraction - not in the slightest. And, it's very important that it is a cruiser bike, the same woman on a mountain bike - not a turn. Basket is a plus as is a tiny bell. The woman is also preferably wearing a sundress or very summery clothes. Does anyone have my back on this???

I Know It's Not Real

2011-07-19T13:01:00.002-04:00

I caught a commercial I have never seen before for a liquid dishwasher detergent. I'm a fan of a good liquid dishwasher detergent so I tuned in to see if they could persuade me away from the current brand I am using. Little did I know I was in for the most hilarious commercial ever (possible exaggeration).

The commercial begins as a young homeowner busy after a long day of work and Pilates (assumed from her pants) loads the detergent into her very nice stainless steel dishwasher. Then the camera goes inside the dishwasher to show you the detergent working its magic. As you are transported inside the dishwasher it becomes an animated world, seeing as how actually putting a camera in a dishwasher with all the water is most likely a bad idea and a really boring commercial.

Then in this animated world, laser-beams blast dirt and stuck-on food off all the plates. Picture a gun fight in Star Wars only without stormtroopers and with plates. This intergalactic cleaning goes on for a solid 5-10 seconds while the voice-over guy says something like, "Your dishes have never been cleaner."

What I found funny about this commercial is while all this is happening in the bottom right corner of the screen in tiny letters it reads, "Dramatization."

WHAT?! Does anyone actually think this detergent fires laser-beams? Did you think you were purchasing some new kind of technology that they decided to use in liquid soap instead of say, on the battlefield? Is there someone dumb enough to say, "Oh, you're using that Cascade stuff? No, no, that's fine, I mean my soap shoots laser-beams to clean my dishes but I your Cascade is fine?"

Do Emmy Nominations Mean You Are Smart?

2011-07-15T11:30:00.002-04:00

The Emmy nominations came out yesterday - you can check them out here.

When the shows you watch are nominated do you feel like you are better than other TV watchers? I can't explain this but this year in particular a lot of shows I watch - Mad Men, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Louis, Game of Thrones - are nominated and I feel like I am justified. Like I am some sort of advanced television viewer.

"Oh you watch Wipe Out? Oh that's fine, I enjoy the Emmy nominated series Game of Thrones." (Side note - Wipe Out may very well be nominated for something and I also happen to watch it.)

Can anyone else relate to this?

Alcohol SHOULD Taste Bad

2011-07-11T12:09:00.005-04:00

Chris was talking on-air this morning about her new favorite beverage - Adult Chocolate Milk. The basic premise of this drink is that it tastes like chocolate milk while being 40 proof. Most people would view this as a good thing; I would not.

I have long had a theory (just made it up) that alcohol should taste bad. We have worked so hard to create drinks that taste like they don't have alcohol in them that we are missing the point in the revolting taste. That initial dry-heave after a shot of warm whiskey is your brain saying, "Hey, if you wanna do this, go for it, but it's not going to be pretty."

I require that. I can't sit there with a bottle of Adult Chocolate Milk and not get lampshade on my head wasted. I would enjoy the taste too much. It's like if you got drunk off delicious lasagna - knowing you're going to be peeing in a hamper later doesn't make it easier to stop eating something so good.

I say give me bottom-shelf tequila that was in the trunk of an overheated car for the last hour. If I'm going to get drunk at least I've been warned.

Looks like Snooki has moved on from her ex . . .

2011-07-07T11:43:00.001-04:00

. . . with a plant

Here's the proof!

I Question Bruno Mars' Abilities as a Lover

2011-07-05T12:07:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite songs right now is "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars. It makes me think of hammocks, summer beers and for some reason TV sitcom marathons. Here's the one thing about the song that I find funny (besides the fact that the video contains people dancing in gorilla masks which is obviously enjoyable), about 1 minute and 30 seconds into the sond (this blog contains research) Mr. Mars says:

"Meet a really nice girl, have some really sex, and she's gonna scream out this is great"

What follows is the most unenthusiatic 'Oh, my God this is great," one could imagine. It sounds like a valley girl talking about a new show on the CW. It is far from a scream. It almost sounds sarcastic. Is she mocking you Bruno? If so, I probably would have cut that part from the song.

Does This Spell The End For Facebook?

2011-06-29T05:18:00.004-04:00

If you are sick of incessant poking, frequent farm-hand requests and having your parents see your keg-stand pics, well Facebook may be on the decline. I believe it was reported recently that the popularity of Facebook was starting to wan (I am too lazy to find this report). Add this along with the fear of exactly how secure your information is & what the company is sharing about you and I could see the slow death of Facebook coming (I also predicted Sanjaya would win American Idol after seeing his audition . . . not a joke).

On the heels of all of this, Google has entered the social network game. They already dominate web browsing, email, blogging and other aspects of your interweb experience and now they are launching their own social network. It's called Google+ and it looks pretty spiffy (what am I 80?)

Has Apollo 18 Been Pushed Back Because It Is Too Awesome?

2011-06-27T12:27:00.002-04:00

Apollo 18 has been pushed back to September now (originally it was supposed to come out in April) and usually when this happens it is a sign that the movie won't be good. That can't possibly be the case with Apollo 18, my only guess is because the America isn't ready for its awesomeness:

Jason Derulo - Marketing Wiz

2011-06-23T11:15:00.003-04:00

If you look at the picture in this post there is a fair chance you don't know who it is (okay, you probably know because of the title of the post, but imagine it wasn't there, then would you know?). It's fair, Jason Derulo hasn't reach superstar level despite having a few hits.

We are now playing his latest song "Don't Wanna Go Home" and I realized when listening to it why Jason Derulo is a genius. He alerts you to who is singing the song on every track he puts out. Each one somewhere near the beginning has this line, "It's Jason Derulo."

This is a good idea to get your name out there. I think he should reiterate the point at the end though in case people really enjoyed the track. Something like, "Again, that's Jason Derulo."

Nerdy Show I'm Addicted To

2011-06-21T11:46:00.003-04:00

I have admitted many times that I'm a nerd. Did I use to collect comic books? Yes. Did I play Magic the card game? Yes. Am I writing this right now in a cardigan? Yes. So, it should comes as no surprise that I find many geeky things entertaining. The most recent of which is Game of Thrones on HBO.

Before I go any further, if you do watch and have finished the season, please don't tell me what happened or I will want nothing more than to send a sharpened dagger through your breast plate (Nerd Threat).

Anyway, I'm addicted to this show. It is very much medieval-meets-sci-fi and it's stupendous!

Also, there are a lot of boobies.

Win or Lose Your City Is Going to Hell

2011-06-16T11:33:00.002-04:00

We seem to have a bit of an issue in North America with the outcome of high-profile sporting events. Last night after the Canucks lost in the Stanley Cup Finals fans rioted and destroyed the city of Vancouver. Here's the thing though, a lot of times the fans of the team that wins also riots and destroys their city.

Now, I am not endorsing rioting, what I am endorsing is the fact that we can't have the same reaction for winning and for losing. There have to be two separate reactions. I don't think rioting is a good response to any situation but I understand it more for when your team loses.

So, we need something upsetting and destructive for a devastating loss - I suggest gorging on raw cookie dough. This should be the standard reaction for the losing team's fans. Stores should be overstocked with cookie dough leading up to a deciding game 7 (cause if there's not enough there could be rioting, which would get us nowhere, and frankly, I can't imagine you can't sell massive amounts of cookie dough anyway). In this case, all Canucks fans should sit down with a tube or two and just fill their arteries with raw goodness. (Downside - Big fans of cookie dough may no longer 100% support their team).

For the team that wins rioting is just idiotic. I will never understand this phenomenon. A solid party is perfect but often this leads to rioting, so for the fans of the winning team I suggest a roller rink pizza party. Groups of fans book pizza parties at their local roller rink and enjoy a fun evening of couples skating and delicious pizza pie! Maybe a few arcade games and a snack bar with Icee's as well. (Downside - Uncoordinated people who are also lactose intolerant.)

My New Experiment!

2011-06-14T12:34:00.003-04:00

When you wake up for work early in the morning there are certain things that get sacrificed. For me those things are: Personal hygiene, a complete breakfast and a wide array of clothing options.

It dawned on me today that I have four, yes four, basic work outfits. This is strange because I have lots of luxurious clothes. I have nice button down shirts, a few pairs of cords and a wonderful tweed newsboy cap which all never get worn to work. I opt for ease of dressing and apparently that leaves me with four outfits my coworkers see all the time. I wonder if this makes me look destitute - "There goes Newman in his red hoodie again, poor little guy can't even afford a decent blazer or polo." I mostly wear a combination of the following: Grey hoodie, red hoodie, black waffle knit shirt or a tee shirt on top of a long sleeve tee along with a pair of jeans. I've done this for a long time and no one has ever said anything?!

Which brings me to my new plan: Wear the same exact outfit to work every single day and see how long it takes for someone to mention something to me. Sure, my coworkers my read this blog and just call me out (or purposely not say anything to see how long I will keep it up) but this is the only way I can get this info out there. So, starting today I will be wearing the following to work every single day (exceptions: Fresh undies, clean socks and a rotation of undershirts):

This Video Is Hilarious!

2011-06-09T12:16:00.000-04:00

To Smush

2011-06-08T12:45:00.004-04:00

As with a lot of words in modern vocabulary, "Smush" seems to have taken off in popularity thanks to Jersey Shore. To smush - if you are unaware means to fornicate (the word I choose to use) - and in a sentence would sound like, "Snooki & Vinnie just smushed."

I am usually supportive of the lingo the cast uses. While I don't personally call girls "grenades" I think it is a funny term, "T-Shirt Time" is now part of my daily routine (I call it getting dressed in the morning) and I often refer to my stomach as "The Situation". With that all said, I gotta say that "smush" is just terrible slang. The word is gross sounding. It even sounds worse in the present or past tense. I can't fully put my finger on why it bothers me so much, but it does.

Is anyone with me on this one?

What Can I Expect From This?

2011-06-06T12:43:00.003-04:00

You may have heard me mention that for our anniversary my wife got me a massage & men's facial at a spa near us. Now, I am not going to sit here and pretend to be the manliest guy ever (maybe Top 3) but even this seems to be a little feminine to me. I mean I am all cool with the massage, but what can I expect with the facial?

Christine swears I am going to love it (which I probably will but will not admit to it . . . seriously, if I say it was girly on-air, it will probably be a lie and I plan on deleting this post when I mention it to disavow any knowledge of me saying I would enjoy it) but I am going in there with literally no knowledge of what happens except they make me look like the woman pictured. What should I expect?

How Are You Supposed To Do This?

2011-06-02T12:40:00.002-04:00

It is physically impossible to try and eat healthy on your birthday. Check out the remains of this gigantic cupcake/cake our Promotion Director's wife baked for me:

P.S. It was phenomenal.

Please Don't Leave Your Baby In The Parking Lot

2011-05-31T11:29:00.003-04:00

I was doing some appliance shopping this weekend because it was a Saturday and I'm married when I stumbled upon something that sent a cold shiver down my spine. A BABY LYING IN THE PARKING LOT!!!

Needless to say my knee-jerk reaction was to scream like a small child . . .which I did. This got the attention of my wife, others near by and perhaps some dogs within a 20 mile radius. Now, on closer inspection it turned out to be this:

Which brings me to the real point of this post - Let's stop making baby dolls look so lifelike. Needless people (me) upon first glance are getting scared for their well-being, or at least wondering why a baby would be working on its tan in such a awful location (I mean an SUV pulls up and you barely get any sun).

Burger Recipes to Try This Weekend

2011-05-27T11:07:00.002-04:00

Okay, this is somewhat of a shameless plug because it's an article I wrote for one of the websites I work with, that said, it could definitely come in handy this Memorial Day weekend.

Check out the burgers & recipes here.

Buying Gifts For Children Is Hard

2011-05-26T12:09:00.002-04:00

My goddaughter's birthday is coming up and since I saw her this past weekend I figured I would just ask her what she wants as a gift. Simple enough, right? Maybe a Barbie, a tub of Play-Doh, or some other toy I grew up with that for some reason I still think is popular. Problem is, turns out, it's not always that easy with little kids. Why? Because they ask for things that don't exist.

When I asked her what she wanted, she responded, "A monkey that sparkles."

How am I supposed to purchase a made up product?

Do I buy a stuffed monkey and put glitter all over it? Is there a plastic monkey that holds some sparkle, twirly thing like they have at the circus? Should I buy her a monkey doll and some Sparkler Firecrackers? I don't know!

(Obviously, I am leaning towards the last option.)

Nobody Eat Near Me Right Now

2011-05-24T12:32:00.002-04:00

I have had a sore right underneath the tip of my tongue for two days now which is killing me. I have been treating it with "Kanka" which - if you did not look to the left - you might assume is a Russian coffee. The stuff really only provides a few solid minutes of relief so I apply it right before I eat and proceed to drool all over myself.

The issue is as soon as it wears off, say after four bites of my sandwich, the pain becomes excruciating! In fact it becomes so painful I actually start to tear up with every bite I take which has become super embarrassing because I look like the saddest person to ever eat a sandwich in the office break room.

Friday Lunches

2011-05-21T10:26:00.003-04:00

Does anyone else do their grocery shopping for the week on the weekend? I do, and it always leaves me in a bit of a pickle. Here's the issue i eat well for the first few days of the week but by Thursday I start struggling to find stuff to bring in for lunch here at work. I mean Mon-Wed I bring in porterhouse steaks, foie gras and the most wonderful organic, free-range vegetables (they vegetables are allowed to roam freely - though they rarely do), but Thursday it starts getting tricky.

Friday is a whole other ballgame. I got nothing. I have to create lunches from whatever I can scrounge up. As an example I present to you my lunch from yesterday here at PST. I call it a lettuce sandwich. I don't think I need to explain the ingredients, it's a fairly descriptive name.

No way this isn't Photoshopped!!

2011-05-18T12:22:00.002-04:00

This has been blowing my mind all day. This is an actual picture and is in no way photoshopped. Apparently, the background is a dune that appears orange from the morning sun.

CLICK HERE

Did I Eat Colbie Caillat's Yogurt?

2011-05-16T11:37:00.003-04:00

Last night during PSTFest I found myself in the catered area for the artists performing at the show. At said time, I was very hungry. Displayed in front of me was an array of delicious looking pieces of cake, slices of pie and random bowl of colored sprinkles.

I had gone in with the mindset of eating something there was a lot of so no one would notice any food was missing, however, I have been working very hard at eating healthy and the last time I checked sprinkle-topped chocolate cake isn't on the good for your ticker list. So, I made my way over to the fridge to at least grab a water when I laid my eyes on one singular Greek yogurt. Blueberry. If it wasn't blueberry I probably would have held back but I love blueberries. The decision was made that I would be commandeering this last yogurt before the anyone came back in the room.

It was delicious. As seen in this picture here where you can see the odd way I seem to be eating the plastic spoon:

While eating this delicious snack I was asked by many people where I got it, many people who seemed to believe it belonged to Ms. Colbie Caillat. I am now under the assumption that I stole Colbie's Greek yogurt - perhaps the treat she unwinds with after a wonderful but tiring performance - and for that I am sorry. Seeing as how Colbie often reads this blog (assumed) I would like to offer you one Blueberry Chobani Greek Yogurt in return. You can name the time and place we meet where I will deliver to you this fantastic cup of curdled milk.

PS - Please wear the same outfit you wore to PSTFest (you know so I know it's you and all, yeah, that's right, so I know it's you).

The Creepiest Things About Zack Morris

2011-05-12T11:16:00.000-04:00

If you were a Saved By The Bell fan like I was, you'd appreciate this. It's a little insight into why Preppy was a bit of a creeper:

CHECK IT OUT!

Pictures Of My House After Painting

2011-05-10T05:33:00.003-04:00

If you read my post a few weeks back or gazed upon it in all its colorful patchwork beauty, you know my wife and I were painting the majority of the inside of our home. And by that I mean, we were hiring someone to paint the majority of the inside of our home. We had done the master bedroom (named after my wife) and a bathroom and said, "Umm, never again."

So, I know you guys have been clamoring for shots of it now that it's done, literally banging at my door to see what my marginally changed kitchen tone now looks like, so here are a few pictures (it's hard to tell how great it came out through pictures, so I invite everyone reading this over for a quick peek and perhaps a BBQ):

Living Room

Living Room

Kitchen

Office

5 Toed Running Shoes

2011-05-09T11:26:00.003-04:00

I have decided to up the cardio in my workouts and have been reading a lot about these "barefoot" running shoes. Basically the idea is that they are better to run in outdoors. I had originally cut back on running because my knee was bothering me and now I'm thinking these funky things could help.

Has anyone used them? Thoughts?

How Do I Go About Getting This Anniversary Gift For My Wife

2011-05-03T14:53:00.002-04:00

DISCLAIMER: BY READING THIS BLOG POST YOU ARE SWEARING THAT YOU WILL NOT MENTION ANY OF THE FOLLOWING TO MY WIFE. I'M 99.9% SURE SHE DOES NOT READ MY BLOG SO I FEEL CONFIDENT SHE WILL NOT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS UNLESS SOMEONE TELLS HER. SO, BY READING FURTHER YOU ARE TAKING AN OATH NOT TO MENTION IT TO HER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. ALSO PLEASE DON'T MENTION THAT I CALLED HER AN 80 YEAR-OLD IN MY PREVIOUS POST, THAT'S ALSO INCLUDED IN THIS OATH. (I would also appreciate you saying, "I swear," right now with your hand over your heart or raised in the air but this is on the honor system).

Okay, my wife really wants to see The Book of Mormon on Broadway. With our anniversary coming up at the end of this month I figured I would get us tickets. The problem is, is the show is super popular and apparently the "hot ticket in town" (as the kids say in the 1920's). So, there are only a handful of shows with seats I can afford left and even those aren't cheap.

I know if I ask her for what dates she has available in June & July she will figure out exactly what I am doing (she is much smarter than I) (yes, intended). Once you find tickets available online you have exactly 3 minutes to decide whether to purchase them or not, so I will need to either do some snooping ahead of time (I don't know where she keeps her schedule though) or take an expensive shot in the dark.

What should I do?

I Married An 80 Year Old

2011-05-02T12:42:00.002-04:00

I come in from mowing the lawn with our push mower this weekend - cause I'm a man & that's what men do - and plan on relaxing with a nice frozen daiquiri on the couch when I find my wife relaxing with one of her "programs." Now, we have already covered here love affair with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, but I did not realize she was also a fan of the popular show amongst 20-somethings, Murder She Wrote.

As I plop myself down glistening in sweat, blades of grass and machismo I find a two-hour long episode on our TV about some great train caper the novelist-turned-vigilante is trying to solve (no doubt her magnifying glass came in handy with her cataracts). It was on the Hallmark Channel which I was unaware we even had.

I went upstairs to shower (settle down no one) and let my 80 year-old wife enjoy her movie.

Jokes On You . . .

2011-04-28T05:28:00.002-04:00

. . .ok, most likely not you but someone reading this perhaps. Here's what happened, I started up a new Facebook page "PST Newman" and I had been working on it here at the office. Well, it looks like I left myself logged in when I went home yesterday. Then some jokester (cough *Toni Ryan?* cough) hacked it (not really sure that is the right use of the word "hack").

The big prank: Changed my profile to "Interested In: Men".

HAHAHAHAHAHA! What a prank!! But ready for this - the joke's on you, I am interested in men. Let me ask you a question - Is Albert Einstein a man? What's that? He is? I'm pretty interested in him.

So as you can see, it looks like the egg is on your face Mr/Mrs/Ms jokester.

The Weirdest Part of The Voice

2011-04-26T12:21:00.003-04:00

The new show The Voice debuts tonight on NBC and I'm actually a little bit excited for it. I think I'm ready for a singing competition that is not American Idol. I think it's kind of a fresh idea to not see the contestant as they perform and it could lead to a real inspirational message if someone who has been passed over because of their looks blows everyone away (it could also be cancelled in two weeks).

Here's the one thing I find awkward about the show: As the contestants sing the judges face the opposite direction but here's where I find it odd - there's an audience. So for the duration of the singing the audience and the judges are basically just looking at each other. Then when one contestant finishes they turn back around and everyone engages in another uncomfortable staring contest.

Just try holding eye contact with someone for more than five seconds, you're eyes strain to look away. Now imagine everywhere you look there's another pair of eyes staring back. If I was a judge I'd be hitting the turn around button after a couple of awkward stalker feeling seconds. Cause you know as much as the audience is into watching some no-name singer they'd be just as fascinated watching a celeb.

Man Down!

2011-04-21T05:36:00.003-04:00

Just a couple of weeks ago I planted most of the vegetables I had for my garden. This includes lettuce, spinach, kale, swiss chard, squash, potatoes and WAAYYY too many onions. (If you're interested in an onion shoot me an email. They're $30 each.)

I've still got more to plant but I already lost my squash. Remember that crazy storm we had about a week ago, the one where it rained for about 100 hours in a row, yeah, it took my squash down with it. It's probably the worst thing that happened in the storm in all the Northeast.

Stop Spying On Me!

2011-04-19T12:01:00.002-04:00

What you are looking at here is the ceiling of the men's room here at PST. Aside from the incredibly bright fluorescent lighting and neutral "home-y" tones you may notice one of the tiles is ajar.

Now, if you saw this one day you might just think, "Oh look at that, they must be doing work up there." (Unless you're a woman, in which case you'd be thinking, "What am I doing in the men's room?") If this tile was moved like this for a day I wouldn't think anything of it, however this tile has been like this for well over a week now which has lead me to the conclusion that someone is videotaping the men of PST.

Am I shocked? No, we are a handsome bunch. Do I feel violated? Very much so, I prefer to use the restroom without anyone else in there let alone millions streaming it on the web (assumed). I don't see any evidence of a video recording unit so I can only assume the person doing this has access to highly advanced and diminutive cameras that can be hidden in plain sight, also a stepstool. I don't have any culprits yet so I'm starting with a very wide net - anyone.

I will begin to investigate and report back with my findings. Or take a nap.

This Trick Actually Works?

2011-04-15T12:08:00.002-04:00

Hey Waiter, Stop Being So Cocky

2011-04-13T12:27:00.002-04:00

Here's a little pet peeve of mine that some waiters do - and I will ask Wendy if she does this when she comes in tomorrow because if she does I will have to excommunicate her - they take your order without writing it down.

Hey buddy, stop acting cocky.

I go to restaurants for delicious food not to be impressed with some guy's ability to memorize requests. Even if it is just me by myself (which most of my young adult life it was) I want you ready with pad in hand. Am I impressed if you get a giant order right? A tad, but you know how else you can get the whole order right? Hand it to the cook on a piece of paper.

I would go out on a limb and say that no waiter has ever received a round of applause for the accuracy of memory. I will however guess that some waiter has been ridiculed for putting pickles on what should have been a pickle-free hamburger because he was inundated with requests. So save it hot shot and buy a pad or I'll arrive with my own and write everything down for you and then deduct 8% from your tip for my efforts.

Paint Overload

2011-04-11T05:48:00.003-04:00

My wife and I painted our bedroom a few months ago and I was shocked at how easy it went. Not shocked at the actual work, shocked at how quickly we came to a decision on a color. My wife and I are very indecisive when it comes to home changes. The finality of them scares us (despite the fact that they don't really have to be final).

Well, now we are painting some other rooms and the color selection process is more in line with what I was expecting. Here are some shots for proof. Are we the only crazy ones who can't make an easy decision when it comes to this stuff??

Idol is Accidently Rude

2011-04-08T05:07:00.005-04:00

If you missed Idol last night Pia "I'm hot but half a slightly odd shaped rear cranium" Toscano got the boot. Were people surprise? Absolutely. Are people allowed to be vocally surprised in front of their television sets? Of course. Who do I think shouldn't be sooo shocked is the judges.

It came down to Pia and Stefano and after Seacrest announced Pia was being sent packing, the camera panned to a confused Randy Jackson with his hands up in the air like he was lost for words. J.Lo was "shocked (&) angry" and was crying. Steven said America was wrong and this wasn't the right decision. Which are all kind things to say to Pia but what if you're Stefano??

Voters got it wrong, clearly this Members Only jacket wearing kid should have been sent packing - are we right America?!

Health Corner

2011-04-06T12:31:00.006-04:00

I've been doing this whole healthy eating thing for a while now. I was pretty sure when I started it would last about a week and I'd be back on Twinkies and Cherry 7 Up and that would be that. That was probably two years ago now and frankly, I've surprised myself with how this has gone. I wasn't trying to lose weight or anything, I just wanted to be healthier so I could reach my target age of 190.

During this time I have discovered a whole slew of products I never knew existed (most of which contain flax). Well, this morning we were talking about how eating white bread can reduce your urge to *squeaky, squeaky* and we mentioned how whole wheat bread is a better option. Here's the thing, I used to eat most store brand wheat bread until I figured out that most of it really isn't better than white bread anyway, then I discovered Ezekiel bread.

It appears to be fairly good for you and only marginally tastes like woodchips. While the taste is a little different, its pretty good toasted. It's made by "Food For Life" which sounds healthy, spiritual and a bit like a 90's hip-hop term.

What's The Ideal Amount of Movie Previews?

2011-04-04T12:27:00.003-04:00

I love movie previews. I love the intensity packed in 2 minute capsules, I love the hushed whispers of people telling each other "That looks good," and I love the way the lights aren't fully dimmed yet so you know, "Hey, this animated movie from the creators of Up, yeah it's not Source Code yet pal."

But, as much as I like the previews I found the amount that aired before Source Code a bit much. As in eight. Eight previews. My Junior Mints were gone before we hit preview five. I took a bathroom trip during preview two and made it back in time to see five and a half previews.

My opinion: Give me 3-4 solid ones. Don't give me a bunch of these, "Eh, that could be okay" clips, give me 4 or less that I want to put in my daily planner immediately (which I carry with me so I can block off the season and year they come out . . . I'm busy Spring 2012).

How to Win American Idol

2011-03-31T12:25:00.003-04:00

The judges on American Idol usually have three different critiques they hurl at contestants - pitchiness, song choice and lack of a connection with the song. (This of course does not include Steven Tyler who likes everyone and who would ideally have everyone tie and form a gigantic family-esque band. . .and then put feathers in their hair.)

I have a little trick I've been holding on to that I believe would keep all negative critiques at bay. I'll demonstrate it in the following scenario:

Two contestants left - myself and Kris Allen (random pick). First up Kris Allen. He comes out and sings a beautiful rendition of Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" garnering praise from the judges. The bar is set high. I step on stage and in an odd twist am also singing Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah. And, I'm hitting no notes. I mean it's awful. Still, what I do during the song is about 20 seconds in I begin to cry. Not waterworks or anything, just a single tear slowly down my face. Viewers at home are saying, "Is he crying? I think he might be." Then the song builds and so does the emotion. I'm visibly holding back tears and my voice is cracking a bit. J. Lo begins to cry. Steven consoles her but he is shaking as well. They make out (not sure why.) The arrangement I have picked out has the performance ending in a crescendo of an instrumental-free "Hallelujah" and then I break down and fall to my knees, head in my hands and small sobs being picked up faintly by the mic. Pyrotechnics.

Did I hit a note? No. Not even close. But I just won America's vote.

My CD then proceeds to bomb.

Time to Update Your Pics

2011-03-29T05:32:00.004-04:00

My afternoons usually consist of doing work while I have ESPN blarring in the background. I was doing so yesterday when I happened to catch this screenshot for the upcoming NCAA Women's Tourney games. Here's my question: As ESPN - the self-proclaimed worldwide leader in sports - do you really not have one other stock photo for the Tennessee Lady Vols? Not even one where a benchwarmer is even just half-gazing at the game? Or, even just a shot of a basketball with the "T" logo? I mean, you could not have a more hilarious photo if you tried:

Casey Abrams Needs to Win American Idol

2011-03-25T06:17:00.003-04:00

If you missed American Idol last night you missed the judges using their "save" to keep Casey Abrams on the show. What ensued was a mixture of elation, disbelief and heart failure. Casey's reaction was so priceless and, I believe, genuine that you couldn't help feel happy for the guy. Here's the video:

The thing I realized after watching - besides the fact that Stefano gives really long, awkward hugs - is that Casey needs to win American Idol. This has nothing to do with his musical ability (even though he is one of my favorites) cause I don't think he would put out a huge album like I think Lauren could, no this has to do with simply seeing his reaction if he won. How insane would that be?! If this was his reaction to getting saved and kept in the competition at the 11 person mark what could his reaction to winning possibly be? Fainting? His head exploding? Him jumping over the judges table and trying to take J.Lo to pleasure town? None of those things would surprise me. I say - Vote for Casey!

Captain America Trailer

2011-03-24T07:26:00.001-04:00

I'm a big fan of superhero movies and I gotta admit, Captain America looks pretty great in my opinion:

Montreal Off, New Orleans On

2011-03-23T06:45:00.005-04:00

If you missed us talking about this a few weeks back, a good friend of mine is getting married and we were going to head to Montreal for his bachelor party. Well, plans have changed and we are now setting our sights on New Orleans. This trip is going to be epic and there is a strong probability I won't return with all of my limbs.

So, anyone have any suggestions on places to check out while I'm there? Also, should I wear Mardi Gras colored pants the whole trip?

The First Youtube Video Ever

2011-03-22T05:29:00.003-04:00

Youtube, the place you go for hilarious cat videos and news bloopers, has come a long way since it started half a decade ago. This is apparently the first video ever posted. It sucks. (Unless you really like elephants then it would suck a little bit less.)

Harry or William?

2011-03-18T11:43:00.002-04:00

There are times when I think I have ladies figured out pretty well and then they throw a curveball at me (or a FASTBALL if you're Charlie Sheen who apparently likes to make terms less descriptive). We were talking about the royal wedding this morning and Chris, Wendy and Toni all said they think Harry is hotter than William.

After years of learning, I was sure women all women would choose William in this matchup. Way to go ladies, you've confused me again.

Rutgers Beer!

2011-03-17T12:02:00.005-04:00

In preparation for St. Patrick's Day I stopped by my local liquor store yesterday to pick up some beer. This is standard procedure for someone who is not of Irish descent living in America on St. Patty's Day and who am I to fight against tradition (mmmm tradition). What I found was the most magical thing these eyes have ever seen: Rutgers beer!

As a Scarlet Knights alum and life-long fan of beer (well, not life-long, that would be slightly disturbing and would most likely warrant an incredibly late call to DYFS) I was giddy to buy it. The brewery apparently makes a beer for each exit off the Jersey Turnpike and the Rutgers one is called, not surprisingly, Exit 9 Hoppy Scarlet Ale.

Words You Can't Pronounce

2011-03-15T12:06:00.002-04:00

I was checking my Twitter feed this morning and I saw this Tweet from Patton Oswalt:

I can't pronounce "accompanying." (@pattonoswalt)

First of all, I don't think I can either. Second, I started thinking of all the words I have a hard time pronouncing and I realized there are a lot (including the word 'pronouncing'). Try to pick out the one word you'd say you have the toughest time with and reply to this post. I'll kick it off with mine: February. Seriously February, can we get rid of your first 'r'?!

I Need the Lamest Joke Ever

2011-03-14T11:51:00.002-04:00

You may have heard me talking on-air about my new hobby - stand up comedy. So far it's going pretty well and by that I mean no one has hit me with a tomato. I am currently writing a bit which really needs just about the lamest joke ever in it. I was hoping you guys could give me some ones that are so bad they're funny. Something like - Two peanuts walk into a bar, one of them was a-salted. All help appreciated!

Who Hasn't Wanted To Do This?

2011-03-10T05:22:00.002-05:00

After living in an apartment complex for three years I began to despise people who don't pick up after their dog. I'm sorry, but it's a huge pet peeve of mine and honestly this guy might be my new hero:

Dumbest Thing You've Seen Another Driver Do

2011-03-07T12:48:00.002-05:00

I saw what I think was the dumbest thing I've ever seen another driver do yesterday. I was on Route 1 in the pouring rain and some guy who must have missed his exit was going in reverse pretty fast to get back to his exit. And, if you've ever tried to go straight back, it's pretty tricky, so this moron was drifting into lanes of oncoming traffic. It may have been my grandma.

What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen another driver do?

How Many Calories Does It Have?!?!

2011-03-04T12:30:00.005-05:00

Okay, I know this is going to sound girly but I check calories a lot. I'm not trying to watch my "figure" or anything, I just like to try and eat somewhat healthy. So, I've been doing really well recently . . . or so I thought.

I enjoy a beer a day. I know it's not the healthiest thing I could do, but I figure I go to the gym and eat responsibly healthy so I can afford it. Well, I got on this kick recently for one particular beer. Basically, it's magical. It's one of the most delicious beers I've ever had. So, I decided after a week or two of enjoying one of these a day, to look up the calories I am ingesting. I couldn't believe what I saw - 300 per 12oz bottle!!! WHAT?! I might as well be drinking my lunch. It is pretty delicious though.

A Challenge to Rush Holt

2011-03-02T11:48:00.003-05:00

So, it looks like Watson (the IBM computer who mopped the floor with a couple past Jeopardy champs a couple of weeks ago) is human after all. Congressman/Great Bumper Sticker Creator Rush Holt defeated Watson in an exhibition match the other day in Washington. Read about it here.

Now, obviously this was a huge victory for us humanoids, Jersey's congressman and the future of humanity. Rush is a smart guy, a really smart guy, and you wouldn't think he'd shy away from any cerebral challenge, however there's a battle he's been dodging for years (he is probably unaware of this).

A couple of years ago Rush and I were set to play in the first round of the prestigious Trenton Charity Celebrity Scrabble Competition. What did Rush do? He sent a ringer to try and take me down. Not happening Holt! I would go on to edge out his scrabble pro in what was perhaps the most memorable moment of my life (my second being my marriage) and in turn go on to win the tournament. Rush claims he couldn't get there on time and that's why he sent his assistant/professional scrabble player to fill in - likely story. You know what I think? Rush was scared.

So, I think it is only fair that Rush Holt and I play one Scrabble match to determine who the true genius is (I had to spellcheck 'genius' if that is any indication). I win and I get the championship belt he got from beating Watson (I assume he got a championship belt). He wins and I offer a heartfelt and poetic apology on-air.

Ball's in your court Congressman.

Double Wallpaper

2011-02-28T12:07:00.006-05:00

You may have heard me mention on-air that my dad and I are renovating one of the bathrooms in my house. Well, we were working on it this weekend and I stumbled upon something awful - Double Wallpaper! (What does it mean??)

Underneath the layer of wallpaper we had planned on removing to paint was yet another layer of wallpaper. Here's the thing - I wanted to be so mad about this for making extra work for us but look at the wallpaper that was underneath - it's hilariously hideous! (The white is where we got all the paper off and the blue is the top layer the layer of pink, white and brown flowers upon a puke-green backdrop would be the one I'm referring to.)

When did anyone consider this a smart and stylistic way to cover a wall?

First Look at The Hangover 2

2011-02-25T05:44:00.001-05:00

The first two things I can't wait to figure out: Monkey & Face Tattoo.

So That's A Stress Test

2011-02-24T05:44:00.004-05:00

I had to get a stress test yesterday because of some minor chest pains I had last week. Everything is cool, I passed with flying colors, but here's the thing - I was waay off on what a stress test was. (By the way in case you're wondering, yes, that's me in the picture.)

So, I went in there thinking I was going to find out if I was stressed out. Maybe they would ask me a bunch of questions about how much free time I have and how much sleep I was getting or just some how just generally figure out if stress and anxiety was causing my chest pain.

Nope - You run on a treadmill.

They strap on a bunch of these electrodes (which by the way leave hilarious red marks all over your body for the next two days like a you got hickeys on your chest) and then make you walk on a treadmill and measure heart-rate and blood pressure. Apparently they need to get your heart-rate up to a certain point to find out if it's stressed, so a lot of "young gentleman like me" (nurses words) have to run instead of walk. So, I end up running in my sweat-soaked jeans for 15 minutes. And, apparently, that is a stress test.

The Best Apple Ever

2011-02-22T12:24:00.003-05:00

This may be the least important blog post ever - perhaps even the least important thing ever posted on the internet - but I have a new favorite apple. Yup. Feel free to stop reading now but I warn you, if you think you are happy snacking on a Red Delicious or Gala apple, you're about to have your mind blown! (Probably not, but you may like this apple.)

I had always fashioned myself a Honeycrisp person. That apple seemed to embody everything I loved about apples. Kind of sweet and not mushy. I was very comfortable with that as my apple choice until I went to the store the other day and they were out. I randomly tried a new apple I never had before and I'm hooked. Pink Lady Apples. BOOOM!!! I love these things and though I have tried approximately eight of the over 7,000 different kinds of apples, I can safely predict this is the best kind ever.

I Think I Was Wrong About Justin Bieber

2011-02-17T12:07:00.003-05:00

I've never claimed to be a huge Justin Bieber fan. I've got nothing against the kid but I just thought he was some music industry creation with goofy hair (not unlike Lou Bega - he was a robot). I was fairly certain he would fizzle out by now (but to be fair I also spent tons of money on Pogs because I thought they would be valuable - I'm not good at predicting things). However, after watching Conan last night I think I am a Belieber. The kid is kinda funny! He does a pretty good impression of Obama and when Conan says, "That was a good impression," he responds with a humorous, "I sound just like him." I think Justin Bieber is kinda cool (and I know cool). But seriously, please cut your hair.

We Need to Redefine "Comedy"

2011-02-15T10:06:00.002-05:00

My wife and I have Valentine's tradition where we get this tomato soup we love, make grilled cheese sandwiches and watch a movie. We've done it for a few years now and every year we try to choose a movie that is kind of lighthearted and fun. So, where do you turn for a lighthearted movie, well the Comedy section of course! Wrong.

We chose The Kids Are All Right which on a the scale of lighthearted to serious apparently falls somewhere around a gory World War II biopic. Why did we choose it? Well, we had both heard it was good, Rotten Tomatoes gave it really great reviews and, oh yeah, it won BEST COMEDY at The Golden Globes. You know what this movie is not? A comedy.

The Kids Are All Right is a drama. Case closed. Dumb and Dumber is a comedy. Just because there are some moments of humor the overall mood of the pic is 100% drama (with a hint of Cinemax after dark). Here's a hilarious plot-line for you: A middle-aged couple's bitter arguments begin to take there toll on two children who are already dealing with the troubles of life! HAHAHAHA!!!

It's time we got a little more stringent on what we label a comedy. For example, The Kids Are All Right beat out Alice In Wonderland for the Golden Globe in comedy. Neither of these movies are comedies. Desperate Housewives was often nominated for Best Television Comedy, again, not really a comedy in my opinion. Maybe it's just time for a new category or something.

Tech Support!!!

2011-02-14T11:38:00.006-05:00

I'm in urgent need of some tech help though I fear it may be too late. I went to listen to some music off my iPod this morning and right after I clicked on the song the screen displayed an image that read: "No Music - You can download music from iTunes."

I am fearful I just lost all the music I had stored on my little jam machine! (By the way, if your first piece of advice is for me to calm down and just resync my iPod with my computer which no doubt has all my music on it as well, here is something you should know - I'm an idiot. In an effort to clear up some room on my laptop a couple of weeks ago I deleted a significant portion of my iTunes library.) We're talking years of ripping cds and downloading mp3's gone. Here's the weird thing, all the podcasts I've downloaded and put on my iPod - still there. So after we get over my stupidity for not backing my jams is there anybody who can help?

Does anybody know what would have caused this and if there is anyway to fix it? I tried rebooting my iPod - nothing. I tried shaking it - nothing. I tried begging it to work - nothing. And, those are all the ways I know to fix something. Help!

Retro Shorts

2011-02-11T05:53:00.006-05:00

If you missed Jersey Shore last night, you missed 59 minutes of Ronnie and Sammi fighting and 1 minute of the most hilarious shorts ever! Snooki and Deena were out getting some drinks when the waiter came up to them wearing this pair of tight, bright yellow swim trunks which he referred to as "retro." These bathing shorts make Speedos look like a stylish option.

Here's the thing - if you're going to be on national television how could you possibly think wearing those would be smart. You can't possibly think, "I'm going to make my TV debut in these bad boys."

Okay, maybe he didn't know they were going to come in and film (doubtful), still if you are working on the boardwalk where they are filming Jersey Shore and there is a remote possibility you could be on camera you can't wear those shorts on any day. Due to the sheer chance that you might get caught on camera, even just passing buy the cast on the boardwalk, you have to keep the tight yellow shorts in your dresser.

Lady Gaga's New Single Cover

2011-02-09T05:45:00.003-05:00

Lady Gaga's new single Born This Way gets released on Friday and the singer released a shot of the cover art yesterday which I posted here. Does anybody thing this looks like a Ke$ha cover?

I mean, if anyone is going to release something original I'd think it would be Lady Gaga, but this looks exactly like something Ke$ha would put out. The eye makeup, the font of the text, even the hair - it just looks like the newest "I want vodka in my IV" single from Ke$ha (I assume this is a line she would write).

I just hope that when the full album comes out Gaga does something insane on the cover. Here are some ideas:

A raw meat scented scratch-and-sniff cover
Each cover can be removed and folded into a hat
A picture of former child-star Emmanuel Lewis
A shot of Lady Gaga dressed completely normal in a smart business suit

Detective Newman On The Case

2011-02-08T05:43:00.002-05:00

You may not be aware of this, but I have solved many, many crimes in my life. Yesterday, I noticed something that requires the attention of my detective services once again.

Not far from my house is another house that a small girl lives in. Now, I'm not good at judging ages, so let's say she is somewhere between 4 and 15 years-old. This young girl went out a week or two ago and created a snow masterpiece - she created this giant duck in her front yard. You are probably thinking that sounds doesn't sound much like a work of art but I assure you it was quaktastic. I mean the thing was detailed - sculpted little wings, everything. I passed it everyday on my way home for a week after seeing her working on it and thought, "Wow, that is really impressive." Then a couple days ago something happened.

I was driving home belting out show tunes as per usual when I noticed someone knocked the ducks head off! The poor girl, she must have spent hours on it and some hooligan comes along and ruins it. Well I won't stand for it. I am looking for any information that will lead to the arrest (?) of these bandits. I won't rest til they are brought to justice (probably will take a nap this afternoon).

Best Super Bowl Commercial!

2011-02-07T05:21:00.002-05:00

I'm sure everyone has their pick for the best Super Bowl commercial from last night, and if you're like me, every year you go with which ever one made you laugh the hardest. This year, however, my pick isn't really all that laugh out loud funny but more adorably chuckle worthy.

I think what I liked most about this commercial is - this was me as a child! I grew up the biggest Star Wars fan and totally tried to use the force. Our Volkswagen orange bus did not have a remote car starter so I could stand in front of it for hours trying to get it to move.

Oh, and here's the other thing, they are advertising the fact that the car has a remote start - a feature A LOT of cars have. I mean really you could trick your child with many different vehicles. So, I'm not sold on the Passat but I am interested in purchasing a small Darth Vader child.

Funny Picture

2011-02-03T11:43:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I just stumble upon a picture on the internet that cracks me up and I have no idea why. Kind of like this one I found earlier today:

Yoga is Difficult

2011-02-01T04:59:00.006-05:00

You may not remember this, but months ago I posted how I took a fitness test and BOMBED the flexibility portion. Actually, if you do remember this I would be amazed and offer a sincere thank you for reading my blog so diligently.

Well, after shoveling everyday for the last two months I realized how much easier things would be if I were a bit more agile, so I decided to venture into my first ever yoga class.

(Okay, the snickers should have died down by now.)

So, here's what they don't tell you about yoga: It's freaking hard!

I wandered in to the class yesterday and stuck out right off the bat ("Oh, you take your shoes off? Thanks for the heads up Internet research!") We got out our mats and blankets (again - no idea) and sat down into our first pose, that kind of Indian-style way of sitting with our hands in front of us like we were praying. So far, so good.

Next - Child's Pose. Nailed it. Plus, it felt like a really good stretch. At this point I'm thinking this yoga thing is a piece of cake. I'm ready to advance to whatever is an advanced level. Outside of the whole spirituality, I'm pretty sure I'm the Dalai Lama.

Way off.

Beginning with the next pose ("Warrior") I proceeded to fall-over profusely like a drunkard doing yoga. I needed a block, which they give out to beginners, for just about every move. I must also stress it is very quiet in the yoga studio(?) except for some serene music, so when you fall to the ground during "Half Triangle" it's fairly noticeable.

Today, I am sore in odd places, but it is a good sore. And, as terrible as I was at this whole yoga thing I think I want to give it another go.

Attention Route One Drivers!

2011-01-27T11:30:00.005-05:00

Attention Route One drivers - I need your assistance! You see this morning at approximately 4:30am I got in a little bit of a pickle. I was on my way into work when I got stuck in the snow on a little back-road known as US Highway 1.

After trying unsuccessfully to rock my car out of the snow I decided I needed to dig myself out. Seeing as how I did not have a shovel in my car, I attempted to do this with my windshield scrapper. Bad idea. After 2o minutes of "shoveling" I only cleared a small path which I could still not drive in. Thank my lucky stars I had the helpful Wendy McClure driving behind me and she informed me of a little trick I could try - putting my floor mats under the tires! Terrible idea Wendy. (Just kidding it probably would work a lot of the time).

I tried this but it really was too much snow for it to work. Eventually a kind gentleman stopped and helped shovel me out. I said thank you and drove off. Only thing I forgot - my floor mats were still down on the road.

So, if you happen to be traveling down Route One today and pass by some really fine floor mats could you be so kind as to collect them for me? There is a reward in the form of a "Thank You" message being posted on my Facebook page directed at you and the knowledge that you are a good Samaritan who did not collect said floor mats and sell them on ebay for a very small profit.

Has Anyone Seen This Billboard?

2011-01-25T05:38:00.002-05:00

A couple of days ago I passed a billboard which I am having a difficult time understanding. It's on Route 1 North in South Brunswick and it's right by a car wash (I'm not good with landmarks). The billboard simply has a picture of one woman and it says something like, "Sunita Singh is Right!" and in the bottom corner in tiny lettering is "The Marriage Ref."

Okay, I know The Marriage Ref is a TV show, so is she a contestant? And, if she is, did the show put up the billboard to advertise or did she shell out the cash for her own cause (poor investment). What is she right about? The fact that her billboard is terrible? I'm so confused.

Perhaps if I watched the show I would understand this bit of advertising, but as of right now I am stumped.

If it turns out she put it up on her own dime, I say "Bravo!" I don't understand it at all, but it's awesome. Does anyone know the rates for a billboard cause I have one I want to put up. It's just a big picture of me with an eye-patch and it says, "Tennis anyone?" People will just go around, "Hey, you see that tennis guy billboard on 95? What's the deal with that?" I am not sure why, but I would enjoy that.

NO WAY THIS IS TRUE!!!

2011-01-20T11:51:00.002-05:00

There is no way I believe this is real, but if it is WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF IT!?

TAUPE IS BROWN!!!

2011-01-18T11:16:00.004-05:00

Humongous news: TAUPE IS BROWN!!!!

You are most likely thinking this is not humongous news, in fact this is not news at all. But, what you need to consider is for the last 28 years of my life I have thought Taupe was a shade of blue!

I don't know why I thought it was blue I just always thought it was. My wife and I were buying sheets yesterday (CAUSE WE'RE YOUNG AND CRAZY!!) and she was interested in taupe colored ones when I told her they wouldn't look good because the wall color in the room is blue. This sentence was perplexing to her so I said, "Well, you don't want two similar colors right?" She paused, and responded, "Oh my God, do you think taupe is blue?" To which I replied authoritatively - "yes".

Probably not going to live this one down for a while.

Is Tilda Swinton From The Future?

2011-01-17T05:29:00.003-05:00

There are many, many reasons why I enjoy the Golden Globes. Seeing some Hollywood stars drinking, finding out that some actors I like are actually British, and getting a quick glimpse into the future. How do I get a glimpse into the future during the Golden Globes? The answer - Tilda Swinton.

I am 100% convinced Tilda Swinton has actually traveled back in time and is spending her time amongst us. Why would I come to such a ludicrous decision, well first her features are very much in-line with what I would picture some sort of advanced human to look like. Almost Avatar-ian.

Also, her outfits have no place in modern day. They always look as if in the future we are living in some sort of Communist world where women have been stripped of their fun and must dress somewhat fancy but at the same time a little like a librarian.

Finally, she conducts her self semi-robotically - a sure sign of being from a technologically advanced world. My only hopes are that she is here in fact to simply study us and entertain with her movies and not eat us like in The Twilight Zone.

The Funniest Recipe Ever!!!!

2011-01-12T20:12:00.005-05:00

My wife just showed me this Paula Deen recipe from the Food Network website along with the ensuing comments and I haven't stopped laughing!

Paula Deen's English Peas
Ingredients
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained

Directions
Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas.

Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

To read the hilarious comments on this complicated recipe click here.

Angry Birds Board Game!

2011-01-11T05:32:00.002-05:00

If you have an iPhone or an iPad you are most likely familiar with the greatest time-waster ever - Angry Birds. I'm addicted to it, my wife is addicted to it, and chances are even if you don't enjoy video games, you would be too. So, how do you play Angry Birds? Well, and I warn you this description will not make you realize the awesomeness of the game, you fire birds from a slingshot and try to hit some smug looking pigs. Sold? Probably not, so just take my word on it. I'll put it this way: I am pretty sure all those dead birds that fell from the sky recently were actually part of a huge, real-life round of the game that went poorly since I did not read any news reports about green pigs exploding.

If you don't have the app or have don't have the opportunity to play it, now they are making a board game. Here's the info:

Click here for more info

Do You Suffer From New Year's Block?

2011-01-06T10:53:00.004-05:00

Before I start, I would just like to point out that this might be the worst piece of clip art I've ever seen. If it was a bit more neon it would belong in the opening credits of an 80's teen sitcom. Anywho on to more pressing matters, I learned a new phrase the other day - New Year's Block - and I definitely suffer from it.

New Year's Block is used to refer to the period of time at the beginning of a new year where you still write the previous year when dating something. When it's January 6th 2011 your write 1/6/10. And, not only do I suffer from this, but I am awful with it. I would say on average it last til the first week of February.

Dine-In Movie Theater

2011-01-04T05:26:00.006-05:00

I was at the mall the other day and I saw something I've never seen before: A Dine-In Movie Theater. Perhaps I am slow on the uptake (very possible) but I can't recall ever seeing one before.

Has anyone been to one? How is it? I gotta admit at first I thought, "Hey, that sounds fun!" but then I started thinking about the waiters talking, the clinking of dishes and silverware, and I began wondering if it isn't all a bit too annoying. I really want to check it out and I think I will, but anybody ever try it out? I am going to say it is best suited for a fun, light-hearted flick and not, let's say, Sophie's Choice.

My Confusing Picture From NYE

2011-01-03T05:31:00.002-05:00

Before ringing in the new year with some Cafe Patron, my friends and I all went out for a nice dinner. It was at this dinner that I encountered the most confusing men's room ever. Can anyone explain this set up to me? Why are there two chairs facing the toilet? Is that the "on deck" circle? And, if so . . . um . . . why?? Is it for dads with exactly two kids who like to watch the old man pee?

Newman's Big Night of Adventure

2010-12-27T05:27:00.003-05:00

Don't let this picture fool you, my adventure had nothing to do with soaring through the a Mark Rothko-esque morning sky. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why then did you put that picture up on this blog post?" And, my answer to that is: It's 5am.

My adventure began last night when I decided to check into a hotel to make my trip to work this morning feasible. It was about 5pm and the roads were pretty terrible. The kind of terrible where everyone actually has both hands on their steering wheel and hunches over it like an 80 year old. So, after getting to the hotel (a trip which took about an hour) my wife and I check in and decide to go get dinner at the restaurant in the hotel: Closed.

This, to be fair, was to be expected. It was a blizzard and there were not many people staying at the hotel. So, we decide to walk down Route 1 to the next restaurant. I would like to reiterate - walk down Route 1, the only description I could give the feeling of doing this would be 'post-apocalyptic.' Closed.

Okay, one last place we can try - a fast food place. I assume if anyone is going to be open it's these guys. Walk down Route 1 a but further. Closed. The food I have back at the hotel is an apple. That's not a dinner. Walk all the way back to the hotel in the blizzard and call up another hotel to see if they have an open restaurant. They do. Awesome. Book a room and head over. The trip is literally over and overpass. It takes 45 minutes.

Check into new hotel. Get into room and it's freezing. Freezing to the point where I was sure the window was broken or I was in one of those new-age ice hotels where everything is made of ice and people pretend it's a good time. I crank the heat and wait about 15 minutes to see if the room will get warm and, I'm not sure this was possible but, I think it actually got colder. I call the front desk and they tell me they'll send the maintenance guy immediately. Now, when I use the word 'immediately,' I usually use it the way it is defined in the dictionary. However, I believe this hotel has another definition of 'immediately' that I was unaware of.

After waiting for about 20-25 minutes I call back. They forgot to tell maintenance. Awesome. They send them up and the guy works on the heat for about 20 minutes. I would have switched rooms earlier, but I had unpacked and was already in my "comfy clothes" (my underwear). Maintenance can't fix the heat so they put us up in a new room.

This whole process took about four hours, but there is a happy ending: I got to kick back and watch the Eagles game . . . what do you mean 'postponed?!'

Have You Ever Realized You've Never Noticed Something?

2010-12-20T10:56:00.003-05:00

I was leaving the house on Saturday and when I started up my car I noticed this little light on my dashboard. I thought, "Well, that's not good." It was located right next to my engine temperature gauge, so using my deductive reasoning I assumed it had something to do with the temperature of my engine. I went in, Googled it and found out it is in fact my overheating light.

I few things struck me as odd:

1. Why would my engine be overheating when I just started it?

2. Why is this light located nowhere near my other warning lights?

I took it in to the shop and asked them to check it out, I said it might just need coolant but I wanted to be sure. A few hours later they told me there didn't seem to be any problem (which is an awesome way to spend $50) and they told me to let them know if anything funny happens.

Then I started thinking: There is a chance this light has always lit up when I turn my headlights on. I could just be informing me that the gauge to its right shows the temperature of the engine. I am now fairly convinced I have never noticed this, which wouldn't be that crazy if it was a newer car, but I have had this car since 2004 and put 80,000+ miles on it.

Mall Cops

2010-12-17T05:36:00.004-05:00

Trying to accomplish a bit of holiday shopping the other day I was literally bumped into by a mall cop on a segue. I am fine with mall cops but what I think hurts their respectability is the helmet. I just don't think the helmet is really needed while you ride around patrolling the mall.

First of all, I don't know the top speed of your scooter but I am going to guess - 8? Unless you crash and fall down an escalator, I can't imagine a spill being that bad. I don't wear a helmet when I jog. Second, you're fighting an uphill battle in earning the respect of no-good mall guests. Helmet = not helping.

Things You Didn't Know About "Home Alone"

2010-12-15T21:23:00.003-05:00

Since we were talking about the best holiday movies the other day, I decide to watch some clips of my favorite - "Home Alone". While, Googling some videos of The Wet Bandits in action, I stumbled upon this and it blew my mind! I can't believe my favorite holiday film was spawned from one of my favorite movies period - Uncle Buck!!