Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Australians are stupid

I have long been at war with Australians. This is a well documented fact. The problem is, with their dashing good looks and pet kangaroos, the seem to appear superior to me . . . not any more.

I have stumbled upon evidence of their stupidity. It comes from their country's most famous movie - Crocodile Dundee. In case you've never seen it, it's about a guy who wrestles crocodiles and dresses like the reject 7th member of The Village People. The most famous line, said by Paul Hogan, is, "That's not a knife, this is a knife." He then pulls out a giant knife.

Now the stupidity part: The thing the other man pulled, was also A KNIFE!! Was it a smaller knife? Yes, but it was still a knife. HA! Who has pie in their face now Australia? Just because a child wears a smaller t-shirt than me, does not mean they are not, in fact, also wearing a t-shirt. Size does not define the object (that's what she said.) Or, do Australians think weapons are conditional? Say, perhaps, Mr. Dundee didn't have a big knife with him, would he still utter that line, and if he did would the small knife disappear? (My head hurts.)

So, take that Australia!

Now, you might say, "Newman, aren't you afraid of offending Australians?" And, the answer to that would be - no. I am pretty sure 2-3 people read my blog, and as far as I know, my mom and Toni Ryan are not Australian.


Anonymous said...

You just don't get it. P.S. I'm an Aussie!!! You're a tosser.

Toni Ryan said...

straight up I'm no Aussie! High 5, Newman's mom!

Toni Ryan said...

and another thing: just because we need to call in Australians to play Americans for us, it's probably where it got started. I mean, the chick from Fringe?! I can totally hear her accent! She needs to work on it. Meantime, hire a decent American actress like Naomi Watts for godssakes!