Monday, June 1, 2009

A Letter To The Guy Who Tailgates In Traffic

Dear Sir:

Where exactly would you like me to go? Clearly you have some sort of visual problem where you are unable to see more than one car length in front of you, because if you didn't you obviously wouldn't be tailgating me in hopes I will go faster. Maybe you don't know how this works, so I will explain it: If object A (me) is moving at the same speed as object B (the car in front of me) we will never collide, however if object A picks up speed while object B stays at the same speed object A will eventually hit object B. Avoiding these collisions is one of the main objectives of driving. So, it is just bizarre to me that while I cannot physically go any faster you are on my bumper like it is a pretty young thing you want to make sweet, sweet love to (My own analogy akin to "Like White On Rice" . . . I like mine better.)

Here is my suggestion if you would like to go past me: Take your stupid truck. Drive it straight into the center median. Head into the oncoming lane of traffic. Turn to give me the finger and plow full speed into a Starbucks. Have a nice day.



Anonymous said...

your blog never ceases to amuse me. you go newman.

Anonymous said...

Okay I have to agree this is an annoyance to me as well. I drive on Rt. 295 (in NJ) every weekday, and 4 out of 5 days I feel like I am in this situation as well. The only thing worse it the guy in the fast lane doing less then the speed limit, and not getting the point to move into the slow lane when he has 20 cars backed up behind him. Best know as the Left Lane Richard (Dick).

Newman said...

Left Lane Richard - LIKE IT!