A Letter To The Guy Who Tailgates In Traffic

Dear Sir:

Where exactly would you like me to go? Clearly you have some sort of visual problem where you are unable to see more than one car length in front of you, because if you didn't you obviously wouldn't be tailgating me in hopes I will go faster. Maybe you don't know how this works, so I will explain it: If object A (me) is moving at the same speed as object B (the car in front of me) we will never collide, however if object A picks up speed while object B stays at the same speed object A will eventually hit object B. Avoiding these collisions is one of the main objectives of driving. So, it is just bizarre to me that while I cannot physically go any faster you are on my bumper like it is a pretty young thing you want to make sweet, sweet love to (My own analogy akin to "Like White On Rice" . . . I like mine better.)

Here is my suggestion if you would like to go past me: Take your stupid truck. Drive it straight into the center median. Head into the oncoming lane of traffic. Turn to give me the finger and plow full speed into a Starbucks. Have a nice day.

Newman