Forget Texting and Driving

As laws pop up in Philly, New Jersey and across the country, it appears texting while driving is on the decline - and by on the decline I mean, I see everyone doing it. As we fight what is no doubt a serious problem, there is something else that has come to my attention, that could be extremely dangerous as well that we are ignoring: Sneezing while driving.

Sneezing while driving is responsible for over 16,000 automobile accidents every year (complete guess). You're driving, diligently keeping your eyes on the road when you start to feel a twitch in your nose. You do some sort of minute body spasm and squeeze your nostrils back in an attempt to hold it in, you look like Gilbert Gottfried. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Your eyes shut and you sneeze. Next thing you know you're upside down in a ditch and your hands the back of your hands are wet.

A small part of me really believes that sneezing is a sign we were never meant to operate high-speed vehicles. And, may God have mercy on the souls of those with hay-fever.

So, please keep the roadways safe and chop off your nose. Thank you.