Who Will Replace Simon?

With the news that Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol after this season I believe the show is on the verge of extinction. Sure, it will continue on like an athlete unable to cope with the loss of their talent; like Evander "I Can't Hear You My Ear Was Bitten Off" Holyfield, Idol will do anything to stay in the spotlight (like box a horse.)

There is one thing Idol can do I believe to stay some what in the spotlight after this season, and that is to replace Simon with someone that will make a BIG splash. With this in mind, I have come up with a list of candidates:

• Tiger Woods - Nobody likes Tiger Woods right now . . . Perfect! Idol needs someone with an unlikeable/interesting appeal ala Simon. Of course, this would require Tiger actually appearing in public again, a move I am not sure he ever plans on making, but talk about a splash! Plus, Idol would appeal to a new demographic, that demographic being fame-seeking prostitutes. A niche Idol has severely missed out on (ok, Adam Lambert didn't hurt.)
• Conan O'Brien - It seems like Conan wants off of NBC. There's even a rumor he has already talked with FOX (true, that was most likely about a talk show). Well, Conan, here's a job opening at FOX!
• Bo Jackson - Bo knows music
• David Hasselof - Maybe not as big of a splash as some of the others (except in Germany) but he does have experience, both as a judge on a reality-TV competition show (America's Got Talent) and as a singer (Bad Example of America Having Talent). He may also work for booze and hamburgers.
• Mr. T - No reason needed
• Barack Obama - Now, here's a guy who loves being on TV. Scheduling issues could be a problem, however, it is American Idol correct? Well, shouldn't our President be crowning the Idol of the country (Really he should probably do Miss USA, America's Next Top Model & American Gladiators as well [he can be "The Commander"]).
• Me - Talk about a splash - My mom would watch the show all the time!!!