Friday, May 7, 2010

Hold the Pickles


If I were to guess, I would say 65% of the time I order a hamburger out it comes with pickles on it. In my opinion this percentage is far too high. What I propose is a paradigm shift: Instead of assuming we want pickles on our burgers why don't we assume we don't won't them.

Ketchup? Fine. Mustard? Border-line. Onion? Maybe - But, I refuse to believe that the majority of the population likes pickles on their hamburgers. If you are a pickle lover all you have to do is say when my change is in place is, "With pickles." It is a simple change that will make a world of difference. I estimate only 37% of the population enjoys pickles on their burgers. Do I have any evidence to back this up? Absolutely not. I have done zero research on the topic, but that has never stopped me from trying to make a point before.

Now, besides the made-up fact that 63% of the population dislikes pickles on their burgers, there is another reason to make pickles an asked-for extra and not an assumed-topping: Taking them off after they have been on there does not remedy the situation. Once said pickle has come in contact with any part of your burger, be it bun, patty or single sesame see on top, your burger will taste like pickles. For this reason alone it should be something you have to request to be put on.

So, I implore you to contact your local congressman and demand this change be made (please don't.) I may also draw up a petition to take to local restaurants in favor of these changes (I won't.) But, what I will do is write a blog (which you are currently reading) that I believe makes a strong argument for my cause.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i agree! I always have to say "no pickles." I don't get the mustard either. In north jersey they don't put mustard on the burger, but i always forget to say "no mustard" when i'm down this way for work. (and YES if it's 609, it's south jersey)

Debbie-Lin said...

I eat non-meat burgers (like Boca Burgers) and I LOVE putting pickles on them, with ketchup and sometimes mustard also. If we ever make fries at home, I usually dip them into a mixture of ketchup and mustard, but that's a whole different story, lol.

I say: the more pickles, the merrier! :)

desolater said...

The process of pickling cucumbers, or anything for that matter, is a long and tedious process using disgusting substances like vinegar and dill. Usually time consuming processes such as brewing beer, building a house, knitting a sweater... they take materials and produce something greater than those materials. In the case of pickling, you are spending time to make something far worse than the materials that go into it. That product then gets pulled off of burgers ultimately making the whole ordeal a lose-lose-lose. As a people we need to stop pickling altogether.

Anonymous said...

NEWMAN-PICKLES RULE!!!!!!!!