Thursday, July 1, 2010

My Pitch to LeBron James

The buzz in the sports world right now is LeBron James. He is, most likely, the biggest superstar free agent of all time. Meaning, team after team, is making their pitch on why he should come play for them. The Knicks, the Nets, the Heat, the Bulls, they're all trying to woo him. What I would like to present now to LeBron is another option:

Come play for my YMCA basketball team. Will you be leaving millions of dollars on the table? Yes. Is it a financially sound business decision? Not even close, but there are some reasons I believe you, Lebron, will find quite enticing:

1. Immediate Playing Time - If you go to the Knicks, for example, you will have to split time with the likes of Wilson Chandler and Eddie House (but not really, because you are much better than them), on my team you would not split time with anybody. I won't even ever sub you out. Right now our starting small forward is my friend Justin; he's five-eight.

2. Free Uniforms - Ok, they aren't as snazzy as your NBA gear, in fact, they are more like t-shirts. We get them made up at a place near my house. However, unlike in the NBA, you don't have to write James on the back. Vinny, the guy who prints the shirt, he can put anything you want on there: "King James" or, just "The King" heck, he could write "Newman Sucks" I'd be cool with that.

3. Distinct Height Advantage - Our center, my friend Karl, is six foot four; he's the Yao Ming of our league. We're talking a four inch advantage over the tallest player in our entire league. Plus, you've got the handle of a point guard and can play with your back to the basket as well- Okay, am I sweet talking you? Yes, but I really want you to join my team.

4. Your Basketball Skills Would Most Likely Be The Best In The League - This kid on The Chargers (they are another team) is pretty good (he can dribble with his left hand, not sure if you can do that) but I'd guess you were a lock for the MVP award (a small trophy and a $25 gift card to Applebees).

So, while these other teams are offering you tens of millions of dollars and the opportunity to win numerous national championships, remember - FREE JERSEY/T-SHIRT!!!

No comments: