Thursday, June 16, 2011

Win or Lose Your City Is Going to Hell

We seem to have a bit of an issue in North America with the outcome of high-profile sporting events. Last night after the Canucks lost in the Stanley Cup Finals fans rioted and destroyed the city of Vancouver. Here's the thing though, a lot of times the fans of the team that wins also riots and destroys their city.

Now, I am not endorsing rioting, what I am endorsing is the fact that we can't have the same reaction for winning and for losing. There have to be two separate reactions. I don't think rioting is a good response to any situation but I understand it more for when your team loses.

So, we need something upsetting and destructive for a devastating loss - I suggest gorging on raw cookie dough. This should be the standard reaction for the losing team's fans. Stores should be overstocked with cookie dough leading up to a deciding game 7 (cause if there's not enough there could be rioting, which would get us nowhere, and frankly, I can't imagine you can't sell massive amounts of cookie dough anyway). In this case, all Canucks fans should sit down with a tube or two and just fill their arteries with raw goodness. (Downside - Big fans of cookie dough may no longer 100% support their team).

For the team that wins rioting is just idiotic. I will never understand this phenomenon. A solid party is perfect but often this leads to rioting, so for the fans of the winning team I suggest a roller rink pizza party. Groups of fans book pizza parties at their local roller rink and enjoy a fun evening of couples skating and delicious pizza pie! Maybe a few arcade games and a snack bar with Icee's as well. (Downside - Uncoordinated people who are also lactose intolerant.)

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