A Letter To Facebook

Dear Facebook,

First off let me just say - I'm a big fan. You are a wonderful place for me to waste a significant portion of my time on Earth. You might say I "Like" you (Am I right?! I'll be here all week; try the veal). At no point in human history has it been so easy to see who from your High School got fat. Thanks! Now recently you've made a couple of changes - Did you hear about these? I think I saw a couple status updates mentioning people weren't all too pleased - and I wanted to throw in my two cents on them.

Burn in Hell you demonic digital playground!!! *&(#^@*&!!! (That second part isn't profanity, I sometimes yell the names of symbols when I am mad.)

Here's a little secret - People HATE change. Do we get used to things? Yes. Does that fact make it any easier to accept the changes when they happen? Not at all. I hate the new News Feed. Now, before you go off and say, "You know there are real problems in the world," I get that, all I'm saying is, this is more important.

Am I looking forward to sharing music? Yes, but I'm not looking forward to people knowing when I'm listening to Mariah Carey's "Hero" on repeat. Timeline sounds like it is going to cause me an afternoon of cleaning up all the dumb stuff I did back in the day. I would rather not have to do that. In fact I have spent a solid portion of my adult life making up for it.

You might respond to this by telling me that it's a free service and I can leave whenever I wish (you might also not respond at all, which is far more likely). To that I respond simply - I don't care. Does this sound like a pouting kid with his arms crossed? Yes. Is that immature? Maybe, but I don't care cause you're a poopy head.

Hugs and kisses,

Newman

PS - Mark, your dog is really cute.