Friday, October 10, 2008

My Diabolical Plan to Get Rich

What I am about to share with you is simply earth-shattering. In fact, it is so mind-blowing that I fear I will kill a handful of you when your head literally explodes from the magnitude of its genius.

This is a plan I concocted years ago to get rich (sidenote: concocted - funny word). If you decide to follow this plan you must never tell the police where you heard it (yes, police may be involved you have to be prepared for that.) You're on the honesty policy here. So, here it is my masterplan to become rich, hold on to your skull:

Step 1: Find someone who is allergic to onions. In all honesty, this will be the trickest part of my masterplan. I have lived 26 years of my life and I don't think I have met anyone allergic to onions yet. Still, I must, it is essential to the plan.

Step 2: Take your onion-fearing friend to Burger King.

Step 3: Order your meals with fries (May I recommend the Rodeo Burger)

Step 4: You will get at least one onion ring mixed in with your fies.

Step 5: Eat

Step 6: Friend gets violently ill (try to find someone who will not die from eating onions, however if that is the only person you can find tell them you are just stopping for a bite to eat on the way to the circus - people love the circus, don't mention the masterplan)

Step 7: Sue. Win. Get Rich.

Ok, so there are a few problems with the plan. First off, you are a middle man and the person allergic to the onions can do this whole thing without you, if they bring this up threaten them with physical violence. The second problem, and the much larger problem, is the fact that I love getting an onion ring in my fries. It is a wonderfully delicious suprise, and I assume after BK has been sued they will have to make sure no onion rings make their way into an order of fries ever again. I would be really sad about that but after winning the lawsuit I could just wipe my tears away with my diamond-studded tissues (sidenote - Diamond Studded Tissues sounds like a terrible idea).

So, there it is, my masterplan to become a bizallionaire.

No comments: