A Letter To Santa

Dear Nick,

First off, I have called you Nick because I believe we are very close, you have given me gifts every year and in return I have given you Chips Ahoy cookies and, on multiple occasions, expired milk. While, this trade was beneficial to me it no-doubt upset you and, perhaps, your stomach. Which is why I wanted to take this time out and just say - thank you.

You probably don't hear that too much huh big guy? I understand what you go through. Just the other day, I had a bunch of deer in my front yard, which I assume are much like reindeer, and they ran away as soon as I got near them, which I assume makes it very hard to get in the sleigh, kind of like when you are driving a car and waiting for your buddy to get in and when he opens the door you inch forward. Also, you have to carry tons of presents, and at your age that is probably not the best thing for your back (you should try Icy Hot Brand Heat pads, that's what my friend's grandfather uses - he is old too). Finally, most people assume you only work one day a year. I know this is not true. You work your tail off just to get ready for the day you have to work like crazy. That's gotta be tough. Chin up, I appreciate it. You make kids happy out of the kindness of your heart but rarely do you get a present in return. Once a year people think about you and then go back on with their lives - not fair.

So - THANK YOU! Your loving acts have not gone unnoticed!

- Newman

PS - I would like a Nintendo Wii and a jetski.