Friday, January 23, 2009

The Plainsboro Public Library Coin Vortex

What's the first word that pops in your head when I say "Library?" . . . No, not books. . .Okay, not librarian either. . .No, not school research project. Okay, this game is stupid, and your last guess wasn't one word. I was looking for "Quiet."

You are supposed to be quiet at the library. This is a known fact. However, the people at my local library (Plainsboro Public - MAKE SOME NOISE!!!!) has thrown this rule right out the window, but for a good cause.

You see Plainsboro Public Library has decided the best way to get charitable donations also happens to be the loudest, by means of a coin vortex. If you are not familiar with a coin vortex it looks like this:

And this contraption sits in the main area of the library. You put a coin in on one of the slots in the sides and it rolls all the way to the bottom, all while making as much noise as a guy dropping an entire box of M&M's at the theater during the final scene of Titanic, for about 15 seconds (note: 15 seconds of noise in the library is equivalent to about 15 minutes of noise any place else on earth . . . sans a funeral)

While, people would no doubt drop coins into an old water cooler jug for charity, that method only creates a split second of noise to annoy people reading their books, this is far more successful in annoying patrons. Now, I know more kids probably want to put money in to watch it all work, but isn't this breaking the golden "SHhhhh" rule of the library.

While we are at it, I believe to increase donations they should also install one of those boardwalk arcade games where you put a quarter in and it tries to push other quarters off a ledge. Of course when you do knock other coins off, it makes loud winning noises and a giant red police siren goes off. That is perfect for the library!

1 comment:

Toni Ryan said...

i can help you cook up a scheme to permanently vandalize the vortex of noise. then, you should innocently suggest that the executive board of library hierarchy simply raise the rates on fines. it's high time. no one refers to anything in "cents" anymore. $5 a day for softcovers, $7.50 a day for hardcovers and new releases, etc.
or they could always have a crazy hat sale. it seems to be going so well for our fed govt.