Friday, February 13, 2009

How To Be Cool

Many people don't know this, but I was once offered a position teaching math at a local ivy league school, I won't say which one but let's just say it is in the city of Princeton (This is a lie . . not that Princeton University is in Princeton surprisingly , but the entire statement I just made along with about 90% of what I am about to write). I was offered this (fictional) position because of my work with the existence of ratios in popular culture. I turned down the position because the Dean(-ess) was extremely sexually attracted to me, thus making it difficult to work with all of her advances. Instead, I will just blog about my new theories here, while the difference in pay is substantial (A few hundred thousand dollars to absolutely nothing) I will be able to reach more people and that to me is more important than money (another lie).

So, with that pointless and lengthy intro out of the way, let me tell you about my latest theory: You will be considered cool if you watch a TV show that most people don't watch, but that is also very, very good and well respected. For example, right now I am cool because I watch "30 Rock". This is something I keep in mind when I compile my "cool level" (this level, somethine everyone has, increases by such things as shopping at a farmer's market, wearing argyle and, again, watching these types of TV shows.)

"30 Rock" is an incredible TV show. It is one of, if not THE, funniest show on television right now (I also watch "Flight of the Conchords" on HBO which boosts my coolness level as well). People respect "30 Rock", hence all the awards it wins, yet ratings aren't great. In real estate terms, this is a buyers market, meaning now is your chance to start watching it and be really cool - like me - before it becomes SO popular that watching it actually lowers your cool level. Recently I recruited Toni Ryan (from PST's midday show) to watch as well . . . Good for her! She is getting on the bandwagon before the wagon gets so full it collapses under it's own weight. Now, it must be noted that unfortunately I am still cooler than Toni, due to the fact that the person that refers you to a still cool and trendy show will always remain cooler than you (sorry, Toni, you're still pretty cool though).

So, I would like to offer you an olive-branch to watch shows like "30 Rock", it will significantly raise your coolness level. BUT, act now, much like the Shamwow this offer ends soon! If too many people start watching the scale will tip and in turn actually inversely affect your coolness level, and send it plummeting down to Michael Phelps' current level (Being topical is also a way to raise your coolness).

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