A Letter To The Guy In The Bathroom Who Isn't Embarrassed By His Bodily Noises

Dear Sir,

Seriously? I mean you're not at all embarrassed by the noises you are making in that stall? I came in here to wash my hands - I know you heard the door open, yet that didn't derail you from making said noises, huh? I mean, listen, I know its natural and everyone does it, but come on, you're not even slightly red-faced about having someone, most likely a coworker, hear that? And, if the noises themselves were not bad enough, that loud 'sigh' you let out afterwards, like you just ate a large, satisfying meal, almost made me laugh out loud (LOL - For the youngsters reading.)

Ok, so I don't know who you are but I can see that you are wearing loafers and olive-khakis, and desperately need a tan (at least on your ankles.) From this info, I can deduce you are a worker here, hence the business-casual attire, and you are not on the air-staff (we wear jeans and sneakers, and occasionally pajamas and comfy slippers . . . and in my case, a jewel-encrusted crown.) The truth is though, I don't think I want to find out who you are, because I would never be able to have a conversation with you face-to-face again.

Maybe it is just me, but I always thought when other people are in the bathroom you go beyond quiet - you go nonexistant.

Sincerely,

Newman