Monday, October 12, 2009

Alter Ego

The hot thing right now is to have an alter ego. Beyonce has "Sasha Fierce," Ciara has "Super C," and now Jennifer Lopez has created her own alter ego "Lola." It has now dawned on me that I have lived far too long without an alter ego.

Having an alter ego lets you live out a life you are intrigued by. For example, where as Beyonce is sweet, romantic and full of jelly, Sasha Fierce is aggressive, fierce and presumably also full of jelly. That's got to be pretty fun, however, I feel it is not descriptive enough. Ok, so Sasha Fierce is "aggressive" that really doesn't tell me all that much about her, and could frankly just be Beyonce in a bad mood.

So, I made my alter ego more detailed. Here is a quick description of me and my alter ego "Harris Waterman":

Newman -
  • Short
  • Quiet
  • Occasional funny (not so much laugh-out-loud funny, but rather the kind of funny where you respond to a joke by simply saying, "Oh, that's funny")
  • Wears a size 10 shoe, slightly bigger than you would assume for his height
  • Likes to cook
  • Drives stick-shift because he thinks "Ladies dig it"
  • Watches lots of TV
  • Has a hard time spelling the word "defeinitiely"

Harris Watermann

  • Former World War II spy
  • Wears an eye-patch
  • Surly
  • Sits at the end of the bar, alone with a glass of whisky which he orders "neat"
  • Well versed it the works of most classic authors
  • Once killed a shark
  • Has lived in all major European cities
  • Has no idea who Miley Cyrus is, unless she is, "That broad from the TV"
  • Smells "musty"
  • Carries a leather man-bag. Someone once called a man-purse, that man died.

*I am taking suggestions on the name of my alter ego, I am far from satisfied with Harris Watermann. Definitely, would consider names that sound devious, dapper or slightly German.


Toni Ryan said...

I'm surprised you didn't go with Mike Schnewman. Or Tim Gunn. I like to also believe Mr. Waterman also sports a handlebar mustache.

Newman said...

I did consider Sam Champion, but that is taken