Embarrassing Easter Event

So, this weekend I had a little embarrassing Easter event (*solid alliteration there Newman* Thanks!) You see there are three things I am really bad at:

1. Directions
2. Guessing the outcome of a two-option decision (For example, I am fairly certain I have never guessed heads or tails correctly
3. Singing

These three things came together in a proverbial 'perfect storm' Easter morning at church. As I sat there quietly during mass when came to a part in the service where one half of the congregation sings one part of a song and the other half sings the second part (think Row, Row, Row Your Boat with less boats and more Jesus) The Priest announces that the "Mercer Street" side of the room start and the other section follow.

Problem 1: Lack of directional skills. I have no clue as to where Mercer Street is in relation to where I am sitting, and from gazing around the room, I am the only one. It took my three years to figure out how to get out of my last apartment complex (So, you're saying I just go straight?) Clearly, I am going to have to guess what said I am on. I settle on the Mercer Street side.

Problem 2: I always guess wrong. Unfortunately, I can never seem to trick myself into picking the opposite of what I originally decide. No matter what, I am pre-programmed to guess the wrong answer. Obviously, I am not on the Mercer Street side.

Problem 3: My singing ability. You know the sound of nails on a chalkboard? We'll if that noise could speak, it would reference my voice as the worst sound in the world.

So, I start to sing and after, say, the second syllable I come to the realization I am the only one singing on my side of the church. Which wouldn't have been bad if, you know I could sing decently and I was surrounded by other people singing, but that is actually the exact opposite of what was happening. I quickly piped down, and only caught one or two people looking at me, however, I know everyone else was thinking, "Who just killed a cat!?"