Why I Should Be On American Idol

You know what would spice American Idol up? Me. Not as a contestant or anything, as I have stated many times my singing voice leaves something to be desired (like a decent singing voice) but just as regular old audience member.

But Newman, how would you make the show more interesting just by being in the audience? Good question. You see, right now the audience is boring. They cheer, hold up generic signs ("Be Wise, Vote Lee Dwyze!" Sidenote: You can't rhyme wise with wise) and they boo anytime someone is critiqued. It's all so repetitive and bland. That's where I come in. What they tell you before you go on TV is don't wear white and don't wear anything with names or logos (I know this because I was on TV for 9 seconds . . . Who wants to touch me?) Now, anything profane would be obviously not allowed as well BUT they don't go into detail about much else, like, for example, odd accessories, which leads me to my plan.

I want to go to American Idol, grab a seat near the front, be all excited and energetic until they go live when I will don an eyepatch and just sit there stonefaced for the whole show. Just picture it: Randomly behind Simon and Kara is this guy just sitting there with an eyepatch. At first this may not seem that funny but really think about it, I can't stop laughing about this idea!

Everyone would be buzzing during the show, "What's the deal with the eyepatch guy?" It would be an internet hit! I'd be photoshopped into pictures like they did with that LOL Cat!