Newman's Advice on 28 Years of Living

Yesterday, I turned the big 2-8. I figured, as I have now been at this life for quite a while, that it is time to unleash my knowledge onto the world. I fear sometimes that I have to much knowledge in my head and perhaps it is only fair I shared it with everyone, or at least those that read my blog, aka Toni Ryan. Fact: I often get headaches which the doctor informed me, come from the fact that my head is actually too small to house my brain. (ok, partial fact - I get headaches a lot.) So, what follows is some of the best, most important things I have learned in my 28 years of life:

• Don't circle Waldo in your Where's Waldo? books. One day you will want to play again, or give the book to a child, and it will be utterly pointless. Do, however, circle the wrong people to confuse the future you.

• Always cut your sandwiches on a diagonal, unless you are feeling a little crazy, in which case go triangles. Never cut in half vertically.

• After each preview before a movie everyone in the theater will quietly turn to the person next to them and whisper their thoughts, this is the best time to make a loud farting noise.

• A.C. Slater was not a well defined character.

• Buying a manual transmission car seems like an awesome idea, until you sit in Route 1 traffic.

• Crunch peanut butter

• Things you liked as a kid, when revisited as an adult, are almost always awful (Exception: Big League Chew)

• Arrested Development was an incredible show, but an awful 80's hip-hop group

• The best way to eat Lucky Charms is to attempt to eat all the granola pieces in your bowl first, thus enjoying a few spoonfuls of straight marshmallows at the end.

• Telling people you try to eat organic produce makes you sound like a jerk.

• Eat organic produce

• The 8 Items or Less line at the grocery store means 8 single items, not 8 different kinds of things (ie. If you have 16 cans of cat food that is not 1 item.)

• Taking Spanish is useful. Taking French is sexy. Taking 8 years of German is neither.

• Clean bed sheets is life's greatest pleasure

That is about all for now. I will share other pieces of wisdom as they come to me.