Thursday, October 7, 2010

Celebrity Magazines

You know what celebrity magazines are good at? Stirring up celebrity rumors, offering you something to read in a long check-out line and showing how celebrities are just like us (OMG, Jennifer Garner also needs to eat to stay alive!). You know what they are not good at? Coming up with names for their magazines.

Here are some of the most popular celebrity magazine names and why they make little to no sense:

1. People - As a person, I feel significantly under-reported on in People Magazine. There are about 6.8 billion people in the world, many of whom have some incredible stories almost all of which will never be featured in People Magazine. While, we won't ever have the opportunity to read these stories in a magazine about people, what we will get is the chance to decide "Who Wore it Better?" (HINT: The answer is always the more attractive person.) Why not Famous People Magazine? And, besides we all know most celebrities aren't people at all, they're robots. (I'm looking at you Taylor Swift.)

2. US Weekly- First of all, I used to think it was called U.S. Weekly which despite their lack of coverage of the healthcare debate may have been a better name than US Magazine. Second of all, who is "us?" Me? My friends? Am I part of this magazine? Or, is that some sort of elitist title like it is some rich and famous clique that we the average person can only read about?

3. OK! - I have a disdain for any title containing punctuation (Heads up E!) so it's not looking good for your little rag. I don't need you shouting nonsensical words at me, OK? Furthermore, I frankly have no idea what your name refers to. If I was a blind tourist and could not see the cover of your magazine do you think I would buy it? No. A) Because I am blind and B) Because it could be about anything?

4. Parade Magazine - Take it from me, if you are looking to purchase a magazine on the innovations and trends in the parade industry - look elsewhere.

Only, one magazine has accomplished this apparently difficult task of appropriately naming their magazine: Star. (I assume it is about the sun.)

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