Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Newman Brand No Boil Water

It seems many people in our area have been advised to boil there water before using it due to the heavy rainfall and perhaps a little bit of a situation at Trenton Water Works. More info here. I know Chris has had to, as has Matt, and I am sure many of you reading this as well. I would like you to know that I'm sorry for you, and that I imagine it is quite a nuisance. Luckily, I am here to help!

Something you may not know about me is that I have well water. (In fact, it would be really weird if you did know this seeing as how it would rarely come up in conversation.) I take it as my responsibility. . . .nay, my civic duty to help out in this time of need. That's why I am pleased to announce Newman Brand No Boil Water!

Yup, for a limited time you can get water direct from me. What's so special about Newman Brand No Boil Water? Well, for one, I drop the bucket down the well and bottle it all myself. (Okay, sorry that's a lie - I make my wife do it.) Second, it comes with The Newman Stamp of Approval! The prestigious Newman Stamp of Approval has been awarded to very few products - namely, Pop Rocks and the complete first season of Stella on DVD - and this water's got it! Third, it doesn't contain feces.

So, you're obviously asking yourself: How can I get this water? Simple, send check or money order to my home, or just stop by, you can stay for dinner - we're having tacos. Oh, and also, please make checks payable to: Sir Michael Newman. Each 2 gallon bottle is $35 - Hey, I'm not made of water! (Only about 60%)

In all seriousness, I hope no one got sick from the water . . . that really doesn't sound sincere after this ridiculous post, does it? But, I'm serious, I hope everyone got the warning to boil your water if you are in the affected areas.

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