To Smush

As with a lot of words in modern vocabulary, "Smush" seems to have taken off in popularity thanks to Jersey Shore. To smush - if you are unaware means to fornicate (the word I choose to use) - and in a sentence would sound like, "Snooki & Vinnie just smushed."

I am usually supportive of the lingo the cast uses. While I don't personally call girls "grenades" I think it is a funny term, "T-Shirt Time" is now part of my daily routine (I call it getting dressed in the morning) and I often refer to my stomach as "The Situation". With that all said, I gotta say that "smush" is just terrible slang. The word is gross sounding. It even sounds worse in the present or past tense. I can't fully put my finger on why it bothers me so much, but it does.

Is anyone with me on this one?

Retro Shorts

If you missed Jersey Shore last night, you missed 59 minutes of Ronnie and Sammi fighting and 1 minute of the most hilarious shorts ever! Snooki and Deena were out getting some drinks when the waiter came up to them wearing this pair of tight, bright yellow swim trunks which he referred to as "retro." These bathing shorts make Speedos look like a stylish option.

Here's the thing - if you're going to be on national television how could you possibly think wearing those would be smart. You can't possibly think, "I'm going to make my TV debut in these bad boys."

Okay, maybe he didn't know they were going to come in and film (doubtful), still if you are working on the boardwalk where they are filming Jersey Shore and there is a remote possibility you could be on camera you can't wear those shorts on any day. Due to the sheer chance that you might get caught on camera, even just passing buy the cast on the boardwalk, you have to keep the tight yellow shorts in your dresser.

Most Fascinating People of 2010

Barbara Walters has released the first eight names in her 10 Most Fascinating People list. So far we know: Sandra Bullock, Betty White, Kate Middleton, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bieber, Sarah Palin, LeBron James, and the cast of Jersey Shore.

Now if my math is correct Babs still has -7 names to go, seeing has how the cast of Jersey Shore is not an individual, but assuming she is not pulling one of her legendary pranks (?) she's got two left.

So, let's try to guess who else could be on it. Here are my thoughts:

• Bristol Palin - Sarah would be the safer Palin choice, but I think the Dancing With The Stars stint put Bristol's name out there. Long-shot, but she might just Texas Two-Step her way onto the list (awkwardly).

• Barbara Walters - How mind-blowlingly awesome would this be? She puts herself on her own list in the ultimate egotastic (Sarah Palin understood it) move ever. Plus, how hilarious would it be if she interviewed herself and just kept switching between seats and spoke half the time with a slightly deeper voice!?

• Jane Lynch - People might watch Glee for the music, but even I, someone who doesn't care for the show, has to admit she is pretty great as Sue Sylvester.

• Pat McAfee - McAfee is the punter for the Indianapolis Colts. Now here me out - Earlier this year Pat McAfee got drunk and jumped in the Indianapolis' Central Canal at 4 in the morning. He then got out and tried to get in someone's car with them for a ride home. When the cops showed, up a soaking wet McAfee responded to the question, "How much have you had to drink tonight?" with a hilarious, "A lot - because I'm drunk." To add to this, my friends and I used to heckle Pat McAfee relentlessly when he played at West Virginia and they traveled to Rutgers. I have little doubt our incessant put-downs played a key role in this incident.

Kids Reenact "Jersey Shore"

COME AT ME BRO!

Newman Reviews MTV's Jersey Shore

Buried under a pile of used Hollywood Tans gift cards and empty whey protein powder jugs, there's something very interesting about MTV's new reality show Jersey Shore - and that is, the fact that it is completely, 100% accurate.

While I have only seen one episode so far from what I can gather the show will contain lots of drinking, fist-pumping and people being punched in the face (though to be fair, I can't tell if the punching in the face is actually just people walking into a fist-pump.) After the show aired, I knew it would not help our rep here in Jersey. It premiered right before we played West Virginia in football (and by "we" I mean Rutgers) and the insults their fans threw our way were obvious: "Hey, youz guyz going clubbing?" WVU fans shouted. (As a side-note: I am not even 100% sure this is an insult. No, I am not going clubbing? It's 10am and we're in a football stadium.) Any Jersey stereotype portrayed in Jersey Shore was ammunition for these two-toothed fans (Hey, it goes both ways.)

Do I like this situation? No. And, I don't like The Situation either for that matter - or anyone who refers to themselves in the third-person-nickname sense, but the fact of the matter is, Jersey Shore depicts exactly what happens in Jersey. Is this everybody in the state? Of course not. But, like all stereotypes, a group of people ends up representing an entire community. The truth is, you'll see guys resembling Sonic The Hedgehog with "Did you fall asleep in the tanning bed" girls at Jersey clubs.

So, while people from outside the state may make fun of us from Jersey because of this show, I say, just enjoy it. It's entertaining, and it's probably closer to reality TV than many reality shows out there. I've got it on my season pass. Now, who wants to go do Jager-bombs?